CHEMICAL LOVE
by Finn21
Summary: AU. Nathan never meant for things between him and Haley James to go so far. Now that they have, will they both be able to deal with the reprocussions of their actions? Or will they be doomed to repeat past mistakes of others? NH
1. The Outside World Is Of No Concern

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing unfortunately. Not even the computer I type on.****

**Author's Note:** I 've had this idea spinning in my head for a while, and decided to go ahead and post it today. The first few chapter might be a little scattered, but that's done on purpose. You'll soon figure out the rest as the story progresses. Trust me. Hope You enjoy, and a BIG thanks to Janet for my wonderful banner!

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**CHEMICAL LOVE**

_There are choices we make when we think it won't count. And things we do when we believe nobody is watching. But sometimes in that one second when the line between right and wrong is blurred, we change our lives without even skipping a beat. It's only then, in looking back, that we are truly able to see what road we should've taken, and what road we now walk upon._

Chapter 1

**The Outside World is of No Concern**

Nathan never lets himself get bored. He never has to. He's rich, good looking, and star of the basketball team. He has precedence in his highschool, dominance over others. He can get anything he wants whenever he wants and no one will complain. They wouldn't even dare it. He has all the commodities readily accessible to him when he wants. He is _a_ superstar, among a town of small people. And everyone knows it.

Most days he fills his time with basketball. Practicing, playing games, watching it on ESPN, whatever. When he's not there, he holds parties at his large, but always conveniently empty house. He can be with or have anyone he wants. His name comes up often on the lips of a number of Tree Hill's most eligible and not so eligible female population. Most recently, with the school's number one resident beauty: Brooke Davis.

He doesn't have to find things to amuse himself with, because people usually find him first. He's not cocky when he says this. Ever since he was little, people have always flocked to wherever he was. It makes his father proud and worries his mother more than he cares to know. But he figures that's just the way things go.

Everyday he gets in his custom made Black Range Rover and drives from his gated home, all the way to the less nicer part of town where Tree Hill High school resides. He always parks in his usual spot at the front of the parking lot, the one that was saved for him his junior year when he single handedly won the State championships. He goes to his locker, picks out a notebook and a pen, leaves the textbooks, because they're too much bother to carry around, and he'll end grabbing notes from one of the straight-A students anyway, and then heads to first hour class. As usual, he is first stopped by his buddies' Tim and Vegas. They grumble back and forth about coach Whitey pounding their ass's at practice last night, and 'did anyone do the homework because they forgot?'

Brooke sidles up beside Nathan, amongst all the talking, and loops her arm around his like a little trophy wife. Nathan wonder if his friends can't decide whether to gag at the perfect picture of couple-dom he's fallen into lately, or cheer him on that he's getting laid, regularly, by the hottest girl in school. They show no opinion, regardless.

As his buddies continue their meaningless babble back and forth, he can feel Brooke stretch up on her tip toes to whisper something naughty in his ear. This makes him smirk down at her and she smiles.

In the distance the first warning bell for class can be heard and students all over the hallway begin to scatter to class like six-legged insects.

Nathan's in no hurry though. He stays behind, and lets Brooke sticks her tongue down his throat, lets her hands roam over his back, down and around his ass, until they glide to the front of his crotch where she gives it a quick little squeeze, before pecking him once more on the mouth.

He's about to tell her he'll see her later, but he doesn't want to make that kind of commitment so early in the day. Instead he gives her a little pat on the butt and makes his way to History.

......

After school he shoots baskets while the other boys sit on the bleachers during break time. They yell at him to sit down, chill out, give it a rest, but he ignores them. If there's anything he's learned from his overbearing, generally obsessive, wanna-be father, it's that perseverance is the road to success. So let the boys take their breaks, he thinks. When he's front and center in the NBA, nobody will have the balls to ever yell at him then. He'll be a God among men.

He moves farther back on center court as this thought floats through his head. He brings his arms up smoothly, positions his hands correctly over the ball and effortlessly shoots.

It's all net.

But that's nothing new for him either.

.....

When he gets home later that night, the house is dark and empty. On the outside it looks gothic like, and intimidating. On the inside it's just hallow.

Nathan wonders for a brief second where his father is, before he decides he really doesn't care. His mother, the _actual_ absentee parent of the two is somewhere in upstate New York at the moment. Doing some charity work for homeless starving children, living in third world countries. She's helping to make the world a better place she tells him before she leaves. He smiles back at her wistfully, and nudges her out the door a little bit faster than usual.

She's helping to make the world a better place -- Yeah, one-neglected child at a time, right mom-- Nathan thinks. And then goes about his regular business, notifying his friends, rechecking with his connections, using his speed dial to make sure the keg will be at his house before ten o'clock this time.

Nathan figures in the long run, he should probably be a nicer to his mother when she comes home next. Then decides, it doesn't much matter, and heads up the long spiral staircase in the foyer that leads up his room, to take a shower.

He tries not to think too much when he's alone like this, his only company the sound of water hitting the porcelain tub. Thoughts break through regardless though. Practice that day, his missed free throws, Jake's bad defense, Kerri Allen's invitation to come over this weekend, his father's constant nagging, Brooke's hands on his body, his mother's continual absence, soft lips and smooth skin, warm breath against his neck, soothing words in his ear, his overdue English paper. He shuts it all out. Figures if he can't focus on the thoughts that do give him satisfaction, he won't think about anything then.

When he gets out, his silver and black covered flip phone is vibrating on top of his dresser drawers. He picks it up and checks who it is. Brooke. Again.

He could really go for a good lay right about now, but he isn't quite so sure he's ready to deal with the endless amounts of chatter that will spew out of her mouth before they get there. He remembers Jackie. Jackie was a blonde petite waitress he'd met one crazy night after a game with the Huskies at a club outside of Chapel Hill. She wasn't very bright. She had big breasts, and a decent face, but she was as dull as a bag of rocks. She also didn't talk much. Something he came to greatly appreciate throughout their time together. Brooke on the other hand is gorgeous and great in bed. She, however, likes to talk. Too much. Which Nathan hates.

He's getting tired of their relationship. Tonight. In general.

Right now though he needs to make a decision, and both of his options consisting of actually talking to her or not answering the phone will result in an uphill battle either way. And so taking the easy road as always, Nathan flicks open his phone.

"Yeah," he spits out, his voice low and filled with irritation.

"Where the Hell were you? I've been calling you for the last two hours," Brooke screams back at him into the receiver, and he has to pull it away from his ear it's so loud. He rolls his eyes and sets the phone close to his face again when she appears to have calmed down.

"I was out. What do you want," he replies, but it comes out more mellow than it sounds inside his head. He can hear her huff and puff across the line, considers hanging up right then and there, until she speaks again. This time her voice is softer. Takes on a kitten-ish like quality as she purrs to him.

"For you to come over."

"You come over here," he beats back without even flinching, throwing the towel he had wrapped around his waist into a pile of clothes in the corner of his room. The hamper sitting empty only two feet away.

"Why," she whines at him, as he grabs a pair of boxers, slips them on and then slides down onto his bed. The heat from his shower is still seeping out into his adjoining bedroom, keeping him sufficiently warm and relaxed. He could almost fall asleep if he wanted. Yet there's still Brooke.

"Because I said so," he lets his eyes flutter closed in the semi-darkness of his room, the only light coming from the bathroom.

Brooke pauses and then snaps. "You're such a dick," she barks at him and thinks about ending the conversation then and there, gives it a good ten seconds of thought and then realizes she wouldn't get to see him if she did, so she waits for his reply.

"Whatever. Talk to you later Brooke," he says and snaps his phone shut, ending it himself. Sure he might get bitched at when she gets there, but at least he doesn't have to get up.

.....

The next morning when he comes downstairs, his father is sitting at the island in the kitchen, the sports page in one hand, and a black coffee in the other. Nathan goes straight for the fridge, grabs a bottle of apple juice and takes a seat at the counter.

"The next time you have _friends_ spend the night son, remember to close your door. I don't appreciate getting woken up in the middle of the night," Dan turns a page of his paper, and sips at his coffee gingerly.

Nathan shrugs even though it goes unnoticed and reaches across the counter to grab a bagel. He bites into it roughly, tries to remember his plans for this weekend. He thinks Tim got them tickets to a _Sugarcult_ concert, but he can't be sure.

"Nathan," Dan Scott calls to him, and he glances up. "Did you hear what I said?"

"Yeah," he nods definitely and begins to get up. Time for school, means time to leave. It's not the best escape, but it'll do.

Dan has the courtesy to acknowledge his son as he's getting ready to leave. He reminds him of his game on Friday, and tells him he has to work on his conditioning some more. Scouts are coming soon. If he wants to play for a good college team he better be ready to give a 110% to everything. Got that?

Nathan nods again, says "Got it," and picks his backpack up before he leaves. He wonders if all parents don't say goodbye to their children when they leave for school.

.....

At school he completely forgets his math homework, and when Mr. Howard asks him where it is he just shrugs as per usual. It gets a few laughs from some kids in class, but his teacher looks none too happy. After class Mr. Howard comes up to him as he's leaving.

"Nathan, can I have a moment with you please," he looks earnest, and oh so helpful and Nathan wants to laugh. These guys gotta know that their sympathy is for shit. Well-intentioned gestures and expressions doesn't get anyone anywhere, this Nathan knows.

He sighs long and deep. He doesn't even try to appear concerned. "Yeah."

"How's the team doing," Mr. Howard asks, and he seems to really be interested. So Nathan tells him about their scores, their chances of winning State, and how they've only lost one game all year, so it's looking pretty good for them.

Mr. Howard blinks his small beady brown eyes, and nods his head, his unruly brown hair flowing into his face at weird angles. "Well keep up the good work ok, and try to get your homework done," he pats Nathan on the back and then heads to his desk.

Nathan says 'thank you', and then makes his way to lunch. He looks down at the blank worksheet he turned in for homework, and half expects to see a zero on the front instead of the 'EXEMPT' that is written there. He cracks a smile at how spineless the teachers in this town are when it comes to sports, and throws the sheet in the trash can as he walks by.

Later that day at practice he causes three fouls and gets into a fight with Jarred Stewart. He ends up arguing with Whitey for twenty minutes for asking him to leave practice early, and all that gets him is kicked out of the gym.

He thinks about just going home and shooting a few hoops, but doesn't want to run the risk of seeing his father there. He'd have to explain why he was home so early, and it just wouldn't be worth the trouble. So he goes to the locker room to change back into his street clothes.

In the hallway, he goes to his locker and picks a few books out. He remembers he's got a paper due in English by next Monday that he hasn't even started on. It's supposed to be about some Russian poet, or maybe it was a French Poet, he can't recall. He shoves a good amount of papers and books into his bag, and is in the process of zipping it up when he turns around sees her.

She's standing across the hall from him, a little to his right, and she's rifling through her own locker. The Hallway is empty and bright in the late afternoon, and only a few students scuttle around by the staircase at the opposite end of the hall. Nathan thinks about how predictable things are getting to be lately. And how that needs to change. He needs to find something, a distraction maybe, or a new toy. He's not sure yet.

As if on Que with his thoughts, the petite brunette he's watching begins to shove her arms full of books into her locker. He can see that if she isn't careful the entire pile might tip over and fall to the ground, but she seems to be handling it with a infinitesimal amount of grace. Nathan watches her in fascination, the curves of her body, and the flow of her hair. She's shorter than most girls he's dated, her movements somewhat clumsy yet intriguing. Her hair pulled away from her face in a messy ponytail that falls onto her tomboyish blue shirt and plain jeans. She's mismatched all over and it makes Nathan chuckle to himself.

Still, despite the nerdy exterior, the horrible hairdo, the ugly clothes, she wasn't bad to look at. In fact, she was actually quite stunning underneath it all. He wonders why no one has ever noticed her before, or if he's just always this fortunate.

Leaning back against the wall to continue his view, he watches until she finally gets all those books stuffed into her locker, picking up a few that had fell here or there, and giving Nathan a small peek of her creamy white back, as she bends over.

When she turnes around slamming the locker door shut, her face flushed, wisps of her hair hanging in her eyes, the first thing she sees is Nathan starring at her.

Never one to be modest, he simply smirkes, and gives her a quick head nod.

Taken off guard, she doesn't acknowledge his greeting, like he knew she wouldn't. Instead she just continues on her way down the hall, her steps uneven and quick like a mouse.

.....

Nathan intentionally follows her into the second story Library out of interest. It's a rather foreign place to him all other things being considered, and seeing as he has nothing better to do, he's curious to see what she's up to. He remembers a few trips here, them mostly consisting of him and Tim goofing off, waiting till the teacher wasn't looking and skipping out of class. Taking a closer look now, it feels a little bit more mysterious, or maybe even forbidden. All these high racks, filled with books, and dark corners where the light just isn't able to reach. It's a wonder this place isn't filled with more students during the day.

Sitting her bag onto an open table, and then treading back to one of the corner racks, Nathan follows behind the girl nonchalantly, trying to appear as if he has purpose, but not really wanting to hide himself either.

When he moves down the last isle, he see her standing, flipping through a small paperback, her eyes intent on what she's reading. Nathan stares at her for a moment and expects her to look up at him, say something, or possibly even roll her eyes. But she doesn't. She stays put, eyes focused and unwavering.

Nathan takes a quick peek at the cover of her book, and slides forward. "Are you using that book, because I need it," he says smoothly, and with the utmost charm.

She looks up at him now, her eyes big and brown and not amused. "Excuse me?"

"I said," he smiles at her, flashing all of his pearly white teeth, his body standing tall and proud above her, "Are you using that book? Because I need it for a paper."

"You need this book? This exact book," she holds it up in front of him, and he forces himself not to laugh at her total attitude towards him. Her complete indifference. He finds it highly entertaining.

"Yeah that book," he replies, and starts to reach for it. She pulls her arm back sharply and her brow creases in question.

"Seeing as there are two other copies on the shelf behind me, can I just ask why you need this one so desperately," she challenges, and crosses her arms in front of her. If nothing else Nathan can give her credit for her determination. It's been a long time since anyone's been able to refuse him something he wanted. And it's definitely not going to start now, and not with her.

"I need it because you're holding it," he says sickly sweet tone, moving forward until he's completely in her comfort zone, his board chest inches from her face.

She has the decency to appear shocked, all though he knows she's not, "Are–are you hitting on me, or are you just generally this much of a jerk?"

"Neither actually," Nathan laughs. "I just need the book."

"Well you can't have it. I picked it up first."

"That's very mature of you," he counters, breathing down on her. She tries to focus on his words and not his body heat. She steps back a little, her face still set in stone, but she can feel her cheeks becoming hot.

"What? As apposed to you following me down this isle, waiting for me to pick up the book and deciding you need it?"

Nathan moves closer to her again, and she steps back almost touching the wall at the end of the isle. He tries to appear empathetic

"Ok it's like this: I have a paper due tomorrow and this book is the one I want. So hand it over, and I promise to give you whatever you want."

She rolls her eyes and tries to step away, but her back hits the wall. She straightens up and looks him right in his gorgeous blue eyes. "I highly doubt there's anything you have that's of any interest to me."

"Is that right," Nathan questions, his mouth curled into a naughty smirk.

She nods, even as he moves in on her, placing his arm against the wall by her head and leaning down, so that their faces are inches apart.

Her heart starts booming inside her chest and she considers saying no, but she refuses to give someone like Nathan Scott the satisfaction."Yeah that's right," she says confidently, and he looks at her somberly and begins to pull away.

Her eyes flutter closed for a second.

"Well just to be sure, why don't we test your theory then," and before she can open her eyes, he's scoops her face up in the palm of his hand and pushes her all the way against the wall roughly, their lips colliding like thunder.

His kisses are jagged and hungry on top of her mouth, and he can feel her lips motionless and cold.

He can't tell if she's shocked by his sudden actions or aroused by them, because before he can move away he feels her begin to suck on his bottom lip, her whole body coming alive.

Responsive to her light touches and soft mouth, he leans into her small body. She pushes him away when his weight becomes too much. Gasping for breath, her eyes are confused, yet wanting. He thinks maybe he pushed to far this time and half expects her to walk away.

But she stays still beside the racks, her breathing erratic, but her body relaxed. She straightens out her shirt and runs a hand through her hair, she can feel Nathan's eyes on her, searching her.

"Whoa! What the Hell was that," she sputters out, trying her damndest not to look surprised, despite the twinkle of lust that's shining in her eyes and over her pink tinted cheeks. "Did you sprout a second libido today Nathan, or are you just bored?"

A rich silky toned laugh, barrels out of Nathan's chest at her response and he figures she liked his aggressiveness today. Sauntering back over to her again, he shoots his arm out and pulls her body flush against his. "Me? Bored with you Haley James?.......Never." She finally smiles up at him at that, and then his mouth is on hers, and he's kissing her again.


	2. You Knock Logic Right Off Its Axis

**Author's Note:** Dropping by with the next update. I want to give all you guys who left such wonderful feedback, a big huge thank you. You really leave me with a huge smile on my face!

**CHEMICAL LOVE**

Chapter 2

**You Knock Logic Right Off Its Axis**

Haley lives by her routine. It's ingrained in everything she does, in how she acts, in how she is. It's a part of her, just like her right arm. Even more so, than her own family. Structure is important to succeeding she reminds herself She can look at all the negative displays in her life if ever she forgets.

Setting up a schedule for herself was any easy decision from the get go. Even easier, she found, was to stick to it, no matter what other senseless events continue to disrupt her life.

In the mornings before school, she gets up at 6:15 am on the dot. She takes her 15 minute shower, combs out her hair, brushes her teeth, dresses, and then heads downstairs for breakfast, where she eats either a blueberry muffin or a bowel of cornflakes with a tablespoon of sugar.

She walks the short distance from her home to Tree Hill High, and arrives there with about 20 minutes to spare. She checks her pre-calculus questions, or reads through her current book of the week, on a park bench by herself. She watches people like Darren Thomas, Vegas Parker and Brooke Davis float through the mass of students standing in the quad with an elegant ease. She stops to wonder if that's something you're born with, or something you acquire. She thinks it's a good question. Knows she probably won't ever figure it out.

By the time the first bell rings for first hour History, she is safely secure in her front row corner seat by the window, her books evenly displayed over her 25x25 inch desk. She dutifully scribbles down notes from the teacher's lecture unaware of anyone else in the room, until the rough click of the classroom door catches her attention. She can hear the soft swish of his pants as he walks swiftly to his seat, the rustle of his backpack as he drops it on the floor by his desk and then shuffles through it to find paper and pen. Other students around him look annoyed at this disturbance, and the teacher simply tries her best to appear oblivious. He ignores them all however, does it with a sort of nonchalance, an attitude that asks 'you going do something about it?'

His lips are slightly red and plump, and she only notices this when she flicks her head back for a second to look at him. He's been kissing Brooke, she figures, just like he does every morning before class, and after lunch. He used to play around with a lot of different girls from school and around town Now it seems, it's been narrowed down to just Brooke Davis. He sees her on occasion, they party, they socialize with their group of friends. It's sort of his ritual, his routine, if he in fact has one at all. She doesn't let this obvious display bother her though. She has control over her emotions, and she chooses to not let this affect her. After all, there are things she knows that Brooke doesn't.

........

_She hadn't planned on going to the county fair that summer._

_Greasy food, screaming kids, and strange looking carnies was just never her idea of fun. But her sister Kelly had been pestering her to get out of the house all week to meet her new boyefriend Brett. Apparently he was 'way cute' with 'dimples just like Scott Wolf' and a 'butt like Ashton Kutcher.' Who was she to argue with that? So off the three went, Haley inevitably feeling like the third wheel, and scolding herself every ten minutes as she saw yet another happy couple pass her by._

_They did the obligatory games, and road the obligatory spinning rides, that always ended up making her feel like she'd just been stuffed in a bottle vinegar and shook up and down one too many times. Around 10 p.m. she was ready leave. She'd seen enough people from school to last her this life time, and she'd had enough fake 'how's you summer going' conversations to last her into the next. But Kelly of course wanted to ride the Ferris Wheel, and Brett, keys firmly in his pocket, agreed, Which left Haley with a choice: To ride or not to ride?_

_"Hey you! Up in front.You in line," the grizzly and unattractive middle-aged ride operator asked her. Haley saw that when her companions had indeed walked up ahead into the next availabke seats, leaving her standing alon in the line by herself._

_She decided to beg out. "Me? Oh. No I'm..... sorry," she half smiled and shook her head, moving out of the way quickly._

_She watched as the ride began to cart all the passengers up in their white cagged baskets. Her sister waving to her out of the basket when her and Brett reached the top. Haley looked back at them bregrudgingly, as she stood lonesome a few feet from the ride against a small fence, sticking out like zebra in a pig pen._

_The cool summer night breeze blew over her, and brushed her hair away from her face. She smiled up at the couple with fake enthusiasm and lazily waved._

_"Afraid of heights," a deep yet familiar voice came from beside her._

_Haley dropped her arm, and looked over at the figure beside her. Nathan Scott, in all his magnificent tanned glory._

_"No. Not that I'm aware of." She hadn't the faintest idea why he was talking to her, or bothering to show any form of attention toward her at all. They weren't friends or acquaintances or any thing other than occupants of the same school and town. Part of her had always wondered though, what it would be like to be in the presence of "Greatness". If the rumors were really true. Could he charm any girl with a smile, make anyone his friend in the matter of seconds? Haley, being a cynic at heart, thought the whole idea was just laughable._

_"Then why aren't you up there," he queried, looking honestly interested, and she figured she could go ahead and muse him, if for nothing else than a good story to tell her sister on the ride home. She broke her eyes away from Nathan and blew a breath out, staring up at the Ferris Wheel wryly._

_"I don't know. It just seems so wrong to ride a ride like that by yourself. Something that was so obviously made for only two people. It's like you're stating to the entire world that, yes, you are alone. It's depressing."_

_He sort of nodded and shrugged, the kind of action that implied he'd never really thought about it that way before. As if something as simple as being the odd man out, had never really occurred to him, and of course it wouldn't. He was Nathan Scott. Just a name by all means, but in Tree Hill it meant something big. Haley knew it, just as much as the person who passed her by in the local supermarket knew it. He was practically a celebrity, always surrounded by his friends, his wannabe friends and the like. Some could outwardly appreciate it, others were indifferent, but most were secretly envious._

_"Well aren't you stating the same thing, by standing here by yourself?"_

_"No. I'm making a choice. And besides you don't know I'm here by myself. I could be waiting for someone in the . . . bathroom," she said, grabbing for words._

_Haley liked to think she was impassive when it came to Nathan Scott, but somewhere deep down she also found it all a little intimidating. Not so much him as a person, but rather this, "larger-than-life" reputation he carried around with him everywhere he went, and this attitude that you should only speak when spoken too. She thought it was a load of bullshit, and she figured that part of Nathan probably agreed with that as well._

_The thought didn't do anything to ease her nerves at the moment though, or help her to hide the irritation that was growing, as he continued to tease her._

_"Well if that's true, then who were you waving to a second ago?"_

_Busted._

_She hated her life sometimes. She truly did. Somehow she'd gotten herself into a no end situation and was now trapped. It's not like she could just walk away, Brett and Kelly would be waiting for her when they got off the ride, and besides they had the car. She couldn't play it off and be cool, and now that she thought about it, she didn't know why she was being so jumpy about all of this anyway. Nathan Scott, was Nathan Scott. Just another all-star jock who was very good-looking but a complete asshole. He just liked to mess with people's head for fun, because he could. And that's what he was doing now. Tim Smith and Michael Egnar were probably waiting around the corner to jump out and give her a wedgie or something impossibly inane like that. She just had to stay calm, and remember to breathe in and out._

_"Nobody!–I mean–I mean . . . is there something you want," she blurted out spastically, and decided then and there that she desperately wanted to bury herself in a deep black hole._

_Nathan studied her face, her seriousness, and her nervousness. It was quite endearing actually. Something he hadn't come across in awhile._

_"Not really. Just wanted to get away from my friends."_

_He had to be joking, right? This was all some big prank to get her to flirt with him, so that he could make fun of her when school started in the fall. That was the logical answer. That was the rational view point. Still she couldn't help but wonder._

_"Is that right," she asked, trying to make her face expressionless as possible._

_"Yeah that's right," he said, his eyes sparkling a bright blue from the white string lights that were hung above them. His smile was big and beautiful, and she found it was hard to tear herself away from it. Damn him and his looks! She would not be duped, she would not be tricked or charmed or swept away, or any of those silly things that happen in the false romantic movies her sisters always made her watch._

_"Well I don't believe you," she uttered before she even realized it, and those pretty eyes of his, grew wide. He couldn't help but let out an amused laugh._

_The audacity of this girl was amazing. He'd never had a female so blatantly disregard him before. He was trying to have a nice conversation with her, and she was challenging him the entire way. Nathan decided right then and there that if he wanted to talk to this girl again, he was going to have to prove her wrong._

_"It's all good. Come on," he said and shot his arm out, grabbing a hold of her hand and pulling her with him as he started walking._

_"Hey! Hey, what are you doing? Let go of me," she called but he didn't respond. "Nathan," she finally cried, and that caught his attention "What are you doing?"_

_He turned around with a smirk. "Making you a believer," he said, and she had to hold back her gag reflex. He really didn't think cheesy lines like that would seduce her, did he? Was he even trying to seduce her? Maybe this was just some elaborate scheme, where she would end up looking like the town loser. Surprisingly enough, she found her curiosity was winning the battle over her fight or flight response, and so she held onto Nathan's hand as he pulled her forward. _

_As they came around one of the tinker toy booths, they could both hear the distinct and obnoxious voices of Nathan's male friends. They were pushing each other back and forth jokingly, oblivious to anyone else in their path and would be directly in front of them in a matter of 10 seconds._

_Quickly Nathan steered them in another direction, taking them both to the other side of the park completely. Blindly she let him lead the way, her mind too focused on his rough fingers wrapped around her hand. They were rubbing up against her skin in the most delightfully pleasant way that despite the fact that she was basically running beside him to keep up, she didn't much care. The tips of his fingers were all calloused and smoothed over, but they caused her whole arm to tingle in a funny way. She tried to shake the feeling off, but by the time she'd gotten to a point where she could concentrate on doing that, he'd already let her hand go._

_"You coming," he called, standing on a wooden platform in front of what looked to be another ride._

_In her distraction with his hand, she'd barely noticed that they'd arrived at their apparent destination. She looked around for a sign to tell her what the ride was, but couldn't find one. Only three other people were getting onto it, and they were all staring at her. Quickly, she glanced down at the ride and felt her stomach tie up into knots. "What is it?"_

_Nathan laughed that amused laugh again, and hopped into the seat car. "It's called a roller coaster. You know, those things tha--"_

_"I know what a roller coaster is," she huffed with indignance. "What do you want me to do?"_

_"Get in. I thought that was pretty obvious," he said, and waved for her to sit down beside him._

_Haley could feel his and everyone else's eyes on her, waiting for her to make a decision. It didn't feel like she had much of a choice though. She could say no, walk away, go back to watching her sister ride the Ferris Wheel. Or she could take her own ride. Just this once it could be easy. It could be fun._

_She knew Nathan wasn't asking the world from her, actually he wasn't asking her anything at all. He was simply giving her the option to sit with him or not, the rest was up to her._

_Deep breath in, deep breath out, and she slid into the seat beside him and pulled the safety belt on top of her. She bit down on her lip and waited for something spectacular to happen._

_It was silent between them as the engine began to roar beneath them, pulling the car they were in back a bit and then pushing them forward on the tracks. The slow clicks of the wooden wheels were deafening amongst the backdrop of the quiet, and Haley started to wonder how safe this ride really was._

_"I thought you said you weren't afraid of heights," Nathan eyed her with curiosity, her hands tightly wrapped around the safety handle that was connected to the belt that held her in place._

_"I'm not."_

_It was the truth, she wasn't afraid of heights or roller coasters, it was the ability to fall that terrified her the most. No one was ever there to catch you, no one even paid attention. And as much as she'd like to be able to catch herself, Haley knew that was as impossible as someone like Nathan Scott having a heart. She wasn't about to let him know any of this though._

_He searched her face, and could tell she was only being half-truthful. He could tell when someone was feeding him a line of crap. He'd done it enough in his life to spot it from a mile away. "Then why are you holding on so tight?"_

_The train of cars descended up the wooden tracked mountain. The click, click, click, of the wheels still booming the background. The clear night sky sparkled with stars, and the wind blew cooly over them at their growing altitude. It was by all means a beautiful night, but Haley couldn't really appreciate it for what it was at the time. She was to annoyed at this boys' unnerving persistence to knock her off her feet. She would not let him or this strange experience get underneath her skin. Whatever he was playing at, she could give back in return. _

_"Why do you ask so many questions," her voice was irritated, and distant, but Nathan took no notice._

_"Why do you do so many weird things?"_

_Click. Click Click. _

_The higher they got the harder she squeezed the handle. The more her patience with him and his attitude began to dissipate._

_"I don't know, because I can. If you think I'm so weird why are you here with me?"_

_"I like variety in my life." He looked up at the sky and stretched his arms out wide. He seemed oddly at ease and she didn't know why._

_"What, and Candy, Lesley, and Courtney weren't enough for you," she blew out at him and paused at her own words. He didn't even flinch. Simply turned his head to look at her, his face calm and relaxed._

_Click. Click. Click._

_"No. Not even remotely," he spoke seriously. And Haley had the urge to roll her eyes at his words, but held it back. He was in fact, being honest when he said this. To what degree, she hadn't clue. Maybe he was just saying he needed more women around him, or different women? She was almost positive Nathan didn't share information like this with just anyone. He didn't seem the type. So that he was telling her this meant something huge. She tried to unpuzzle it all in her head, his behavior his words, his actions, but she came up against a wall. She was befuddled. Nathan Scott, of all people had, officially befuddled her. It was laughable. Yet she couldn't wipe the shock from her face. Nathan caught this and grinned._

_".......What? Not the answer you were expecting?"_

_"No," she simply answered, and looked over to her other side, averting her eyes from the conundrum that was his being._

_"Don't look so surprised," he said a second later, and Haley saw that they were almost to the top._

_Click. Click Click. _

_"Trust me, I'm trying," she squeezed tightly onto the handle, her knuckles turning almost completely white. She had the urge to close her eyes, but knew that would only further Nathan's theory that she was indeed afraid of heights. So instead she kept them open, and focused on the differing shades of her hands as they grew more pale the harder she held on._

_The train of cars reached the top and quickened their pace, pausing right before the gigantic drop in front of them. Haley could feel her stomach begin to bottom out at the thought of falling by herself._

_Nathan leaned toward her, his arm brushing against hers momentarily. Her eyes jutted up and connected with his. Sparkling and deep blue in the dark evening glow of the night, they were absolutely entrancing._

_"Try harder," he whispered to her, causing her to shudder as his breath hit her bare neck._

_She made to say something else to him, but by the time any words came to her mind, their car had already spilled over the mountain, speeding its way down the track at a fast even pace._

_When they came to a stopping jolt at the end of the track, Haley noticed her hands had returned to a normal shade of pink, and Nathan was rubbing the side of his ear with fervor._

_"You've got one helluva scream," he stated a bit disgruntled._

_She laughed out loud at this, her blood flowing quickly through her body like an electric current. "Thanks."_

_"Have fun," he asked, sincerely curious, and she nodded in compliance. A giddy wave over taking her._

_"God it's been years since I've been on a roller coaster. I forgot what it feels like. That adrenaline rushing to your brain and then _bam_, you feel like you can fly! It's amazing," she laughed some more, unable to break the smile from her face._

_Nathan watched her with interest. "So I take that as a yes then?"_

_"Yes," she nodded. "I had fun."_

_The ride clipped forward a little more, and the passengers at the front jostled around in their seats anxious to get off. Her and Nathan sat relatively still. Nathan staring at her intently. A small smile playing on his own lips. _

_"I"m glad," he added, and Haley thought that was all he was going to say. Until he started to lean over to her, the carefree grin fading away into a lecherous smirk._

_"You have a beautiful smile, you know that," he was in her personal space now, inches from her face._

_Haley tried to come off disgusted by his complete attitude change, but found it was even hard for her to resist his charm. As bastardly and self righteous as Nathan could be, and most of the time he was, he still had this inner spark to him that captivated you. Made you want to be the center of his attention._

_So as he began to lean forward toward her, his mouth coming near hers at a fast pace, Haley had the insatiable urge to push her lips against his. Let him devour her and take her away from everything that her crappy life left over for her. She wanted so badly to be special to someone, and have them be special to her. But this wasn't it. Nathan wasn't offering her anything other than a one night escape from it all. And she wouldn't let herself cheapen the experience._

_Moving her head away from his, Haley felt Nathan pause in his place and then quickly retreat back to his upright position. There was a distinct hissing noise as the cars came to a final stop, unlocking the safety belts. Haley jumped out of her seat and watched as Nathan got out of his. She didn't know what to expect now that they were free from the confines of the roller coaster seats._

_When Nathan grinned at her, that same self-involved grin covering his mouth and spreading out all over his face until it reached the corner of his eyes, and said, "We should do this again some time," her eyes widened and her mouth fell open._

_Nathan clearly saw her reaction and just kept on walking. Haley watched him descend down the steps and back out onto the fairgrounds, her head spinning, and her skin still tingling._


	3. These Feelings Follow Me Wherever I Go

**Author's Note:** Just dropping in with the next update for you. Thanks again for all the great feedback guys. I truly appreciate. Keep it coming!

Chapter 3

**These Feelings Follow Me Wherever I Go**__

Haley always spends the evenings at home by herself.

It began when she was around eleven. Her Father got some huge promotion at work, and began staying later and later, blaming it on his overdue reports and building clientele. Little to his knowledge, everyone else in town already knew it was because of his new, attractive, and somewhat younger secretary Tracey.

Her older sister Kelly had just turned thirteen that same year, and so her mother decided it was ok to leave them alone on Tuesday nights so that she could go drinking with her friends. By the time Haley was fifteen it turned into Tuesdays, Wednesdays and Thursdays that her mother would go out. And in the fall that Kelly left for College, Lillian James decided to devote every week night from 5pm to 9pm to her friends and loyal bottle of Jack Daniels.

Haley tried to ask her mother once why she always felt the need to go out. Her mother smiled at her condescendingly before walking out of the door, curtly telling her daughter to get all of her homework done before she went to bed. Haley decided not to talk to her mother about her friends, or late nights out, or all of the empty bottles in the trash can outside anymore after that.

Most days Haley appreciates the quite fours gives you. She can come home and do her work in peace. She makes her own dinner to eat, and enjoys it without any of her sister's whining or her Dad's loud football games booming from the t.v and out into the rest of the house.

Between the time she gets home from all of her after school activities to nine o'clock at night, her home is her sanctuary from the rest of the world.

Every once in a while though, someone comes in and invades that privacy. And it's usually a tall, handsome, and overly cocky boy, who just can't seem to stay away, and to which in all conscience she can't seem to keep locked out.

She's in the kitchen making herself an afternoon snack, when she hears a soft rapping at her back door. She goes to it, and flips up the lace shade that covers the window portion of the door, and sees Nathan standing there waiting to be let in. She thinks about Brooke's lips on his again, and how they made his mouth look bruised and red, and considers just walking away, and letting him stand out there and beg. She looks up at his face, and sees him widen his eyes expectantly, waiting to hear that inevitable door lock click open. __

Haley's never been the kind of girl to disobey people's wish's, it's just not in her nature. Not to say that she never wants to, or hasn't tried, but in the end, she wants to make other people happy, even if it takes a piece away from her at a time. So when the door finally does come open, Nathan breezes in as usual and goes too straight to the refrigerator, not really acknowledging her but not ignoring her either. She's not surprised.

Aimlessly he rifles through the shelves of cold food, coming out with a carton of orange juice. He opens it up and drinks straight from it, like it's his own personal supply. Haley shakes her head and rolls her eyes. She's long since stopped trying to tell him what he can and can't do in her home or anywhere else. Most of the time he doesn't listen to her anyway, so there's no point.

When he finishes devouring the rest of the carton, he places it on the table, and sets his eyes hungrily on her.

"You're quiet today."

Haley moves around the edge of the table, and looks disinterestedly down at her half-made sandwich.

She's not hungry anymore.

She pushes it away, and leans back against the kitchen counter.

"Yeah," she says and nods. She tries to keep her eyes focused on anything else in the room but him. The late afternoon sun, and how it comes through the white curtains, causing the room to take on a light orange glow. The sun's going down at a rapid rate these days, and soon it will be dark. She looks at the empty carton on the table, and her math book laying not to far from it. She tries not to think about him looking at her like he wants to kiss her, because right now all that makes her think of is Brooke. Brooke kissing Nathan, and him letting her, and today its bothering her more than other days. She won't admit it, but it's there.

Nathan sees she's thinking about something, "Why," he asks out of genuine curiosity. She's usually not this distant with him. Not unless something's bothering her, and he wants to know what's up.

"I just don't feel like talking, that's all."

"Okay," he shrugs, and moves around the table, closing the distance between them. He brings his arm out and tries to pull her to him. When he goes to kiss her however, she turns her head, brushing him off, irritated by his total indifference to everything all the time.

"What!" He has enough gall to look at her with shock and she simply sneers at him, and pulls away.

"Why were you late to History this morning," she asks without even thinking about it, and sees realization shadow over his eyes.

"Is that what this is about," he asks. He seems concerned, but not in a serious way. Like he's kicked the dog and only feels bad because he was caught doing it. This irritates her even more.

"Maybe," Haley keeps her arms tightly crossed in front of her. She feels stupid and girly for being this over dramatic, but she can't help how she feels about him and Brooke.

The corner of Nathan's mouth curves into a smile. "Haley, I already told you--"

"I know," she cuts in, and goes to sit down at the table to do her math homework. She doesn't want to hear him repeat the same story to her for the hundredth time. She's heard it enough. Right now she just wants to be alone. She wants to do her homework and eat her sandwich and then go mess with the new camera she bought herself for her birthday last month. It's her routine, and she likes to stick to it.

"Look, Nathan I've got a lot of work to do, ok. You should probably go," she finishes, and cracks her book open, leaving Nathan standing popeyed in her kitchen. He stares down at her for a few minutes, not sure if she is really serious or not. When he can tell she's no longer going to acknowledge his existence in any manner what so ever, he puffs out a long sigh, and slides out, slamming the door behind him.

Haley tries to concentrate on her homework after he's gone. Tries to remember the importance of sticking to her routine. But now that he's gone, it doesn't really seem that important at all.

......

When she goes to school the next day, Nathan's already in class before her, and he looks to be in a particularly foul mood. Part of her wants to smile at him, do something comforting. It most likely wouldn't end up helping though, so she chooses not too.

The rest of the day goes by at a monotonously slow pace, and her mind keeps drifting back to Nathan, despite her own stubbornness not to think about him. Sometimes it feels pointless to even try though, because it just makes her think about him that much more.

Part of her wishes that they had History Class at the end of the day together rather than at the beginning. That at least, would give her something to look forward to. Now all she has to look forward to is Accelerated Physics.

.......

She goes to Yearbook after school and the meeting is cut short because of Mr. Bauer's doctor's appointment. His third in two weeks. The man practically lives in the hospital, he's there so often. Haley and the other students don't mind too much, when's he's gone they get more free reign over what they can and can't do.

She's looking over some pictures for the best couple category, when she comes across a picture of Brooke and Nathan at the Winter Formal. They're standing in the corner of their cheaply decorated gym with some other people from the basketball crowd. Nathan's smiling and has his arm wrapped around Brooke waste, and she looks to be giggling about something funny somebody had just said. Her mouth open wide, showing off her perfectly symmetrical pink lips and dazzling white teeth. To anyone on the outside they would appear happy.

Haley thinks about putting famous quotes underneath all the pictures that win for each category. Considers putting something under their picture along the lines of, "When you lie down with dogs you get up with fleas." She figures that probably wouldn't be very lady like of her though, and pushes the thought aside.

On her way out, Danielle Paulson asks her to pick some books up for her at the library. She grabs up all of her books and heads to her locker. In the hallway she unsuccessfully attempts to shove said books into her locker with ease, but fails. She hopes no one sees her making a fool of herself.

When she turns around, she sees Nathan staring at her intently. She remembers the semi-argument they had yesterday, and just keeps on walking.

......

In the library Haley goes straight for the books that Danielle asked her to get. In the corner of her eye she can see Nathan standing, watching her at the end of the isle of racks. She flips through the book, ignoring him. She's not going to be the first to speak. She refuses. He can have that pleasure all to himself.

When he finally does open his mouth, what he says takes her off guard, and she quickly sees that he's playing with her, maybe to loosen up the tension between them, or make her laugh. He likes to do that often. She doesn't see what's so spectacular about her laugh, but it seems to amuse him enough.

Quickly their conversation becomes serious and she is back up against the wall, Nathan leaning over her like a predator. He's breathing down upon her neck and his eyes are intent on her mouth.

"Is that right," he asks her in a husky tone, and she remembers the first time they met. Really met. She remembers the feeling of his hand on top of hers and how his eyes would linger on her for seconds at a time. It made her feel really alive for the first time.

"Yeah, that's right," she plays along, and feels his mouth achingly close to hers. Suddenly everything else doesn't matter. Not the image of Nathan's red lips or his indifference about it, or even Brooke. All she wants is for him to be kissing her right then like he did the very first time. She remembers that day well too.

Her eyes flutter shut when he moves in closer. She goes to open them, when he starts to pull away though, but his mouth his crushed to hers before she can even follow through. At first she doesn't move, too shocked at his intensity, and maybe just a little way to get back at him. When he moves to pull away again, she pushes back, and opens her mouth fully for him so that their tongues can touch. It's a heated kiss, passionate and hot, and Haley feels completely breathless when it's over. Even more so, when he looks down at her with those gorgeous blue eyes of his and smiles. She can't help but smile back at him when he finally says her name.

She knows somewhere deep down she should probably still be mad at him for blowing off her concerns about Brooke. Kissing won't help solve problems. Despite how good it feels.

"Can I come by later," he asks, and looks to be somewhat sorry for what happened yesterday.

She doesn't hesitate in nodding her head in the affirmative. It's just too hard to refuse him when he looks at her that way.

His eyes brighten at her response and he gives her one last peck on the lips before slipping out of the racks. He winks at her as he disappears, leaving her standing there after him once again.


	4. She Spins Around In Circles In My Head

**Author's Note:** Sorry about the wait. Here's the next chapter, hope you enjoy! And for those of you who might be a bit confused. Flashbacks will always we done in italics, and present time will always be done in regular font. For the next few chapters you might still be a little left in dark, but that's ok, you're not supposed to know exactly what's going on just yet. But you will soon enough ;)

Chapter 4

**She Spins Around In Circles In My Head**

Thursdays are just like any other day of the week in the Scott household, and Nathan is used to coming home from practice to see a dark empty house. He doesn't ask where his father goes after he leaves work. He doesn't ask his mother where she's going when she disappears for days, sometimes weeks on end. They leave little post it notes on the refrigerator for him. They slip him half sheets of ripped off notebook paper under his door telling him when they'll be home that night. They never talk to each other. Not really. Not how most people associate conversations to be.

Nathan can hardly remember the last time the three of them were even in the same room together at the same time. His entire family is constructed of passing notes and leaving voice-mails. Most of which he doesn't even bother to return.

Which is why, when he gets home that night from shooting hoops at The Rivercourt, he's surprised to see not only his father's Blazer, but also his mother's Lexus in their drive way. Part of him considers pulling his own car back out and trying to flee the scene before anyone even sees him, not ready to deal with whatever avalanche of crap his parents have concocted this time. His curiosity gets the better of him, despite himself however, and he goes inside.

"Hi, sweetie," his mother comes up to him the second he's through the door. Her mouth curved up into a disingenuous smile, the kind she uses for the cancer recipients and homeless children she spends her days with

"Hey," he says and drops his backpack and gym bag on the floor beside him, moves out of her arm reach before she can hug him. A flicker of hurt flashes over her eyes for a quick second before she covers it up, that professional facade back in place before anyone can notice a difference.

"Did you have a good day at school?" She follows Nathan as he walks into the family room where his father is standing, pouring himself a glass of scotch.

"I guess," he shrugs and looks at his father expectantly. "What's going on?"

Dan turns around from the bar and Nathan sees that he's dressed in a suit and tie. His mother's in some kind of black cocktail dress, and a plate of cheese and caviar appetizers are sitting on the cherry wood table in the middle of the room.

Whatever it is they have planned is going to involve him, that much he can tell. Suddenly his thoughts go from confusion to anger to Haley to anger again.

"What's going Dad," he repeats himself with a little more heat.

Dan sets his drink on the bar and cracks his knuckles. "I have an old friend on mine from High school coming over to visit. Now go get changed. He should be here soon."

In the span of Nathan's life, Dan Scott has never been a man of many words. At least not unless it involved talking about himself. But this entire situation doesn't fit. Why, Nathan wonders why he needs to be there, if it's an old friend of his father's.

"I can't," Nathan objects quickly. "I've got plans."

"Cancel them," his father whips back, and Nathan has the immediate urge to throw the porcelain lamp sitting beside him at his Dad's head. Hard.

"No."

"Excuse me," Dan turns a sharp eye on his only son, and that makes Nathan turn away.

He clenches his jaw together tightly, feels it twitch in sharp juts that reverrbate through his head. He can feel his mothers eyes shooting back between them frantically, trying to figure out a way to avert an argument if possible. What she doesn't know, is that Nathan and Dan Scott do not fight. They don't even talk.

Dan tells Nathan what to do, Nathan tries to refuse, and ends up following through anyway. What other choice does he have? He could disobey his tyrant of a father if he really wanted to, it's not like he's scared to make him mad. He's done that enough through getting in trouble at school and with the town police.

"Nothing," he grumbles, and starts to stalk out of the room to the stairs. He half hears his mother say something like 'it won't that long', as he walks up to his room, and he simply spits back at her, "Whatever."

........

Nathan stares down at right hand on his watch and reads the time again. He looks up and glares at Richard Hask, who sits across the room from him. Richard holds a martini, Dan made for him in his hand, he periodically dips his head down and takes a drink out of it. He tells Nathan and his parents about his career as a coach for Penn. Sate, and the great benefits he incurs working for such a great University. His parents have the decency to look awed by this. Nathan wonders how much longer he'll have to sit in suit pants and tie before his father just comes out and asks the question they've been waiting all night for.

"So I hear you play point guard for the Tree Hill Ravens, Nathan, am I right?"

"Yeah," he mumbles and nods his head. He feels disoriented and tired. His left leg has fallen asleep from sitting in the same position for too long and he's tired. The dim lights in the room make his eyes feel heavy. He doesn't want to talk about basketball with this guy anymore.

"I've heard a lot of good things about you and the team from your old man here. Did he tell you we used to play together?"

Nathan can't tell if the man's being nice to him for his father's benefit or his own. He doesn't want to shmooze for this guy like his father is expecting him too. He doesn't want to pretend to be awed by his 'oh so spectacular' coaching record, or the $75,000 Jag in the driveway. Mostly he just doesn't want to be nice back.

"No, I didn't," he smiles tightly and leans back into the couch. His eyelids grow heavier, but he knows he won't fall asleep.

"Yeah, me and Danny used to be kings of the court back in our day. What was our scoring average?"

"Twenty-seven for me, Twenty-four for you," his father answers with a grin. He's enjoying every second of this torture, Nathan's sure.

"Oh you're too generous Danny. I think it was more like twenty-seven for you, and Twenty-two for me," Richard replies and they both laugh.

Nathan tries to appear amused by their homage to the old days, but he doesn't much care. Regardless, he smiles anyway.

"Nathan's averaging about twenty-five a game these days, aren't you son?"

He wants to tell his father it's actually twenty-six, but doesn't. If it makes his father feel better to be two points ahead of him, rather than one, then he can go ahead and have it. Nathan knows the truth.

He nods and smiles graciously, and his father continues.

"You know Rich, Nathan's actually looking into Penn for next fall."

The other man turns toward him at this. "That's fantastic Nathan. Penn State really is a great university. It has high standards for academic excellence and a great social environment. The large alumni association and the many connections that you can make there will be a benefit when you graduate as well. From a basketball standpoint, there is intense national exposure at PSU and if you end up deciding that's where you want to be, you can rest assured that you will definitely be playing in front of those enthusiastic Big Ten crowds."

"Well that sounds . . . good," Nathan manages to shoot out. He sees his father is pleased by his compliance and his mother is just as bored as he is, but she's putting on a good show as well.

The older men in the room seem to continue on with the conversation, even though Nathan decidesto check out. He looks at his watch again and wants to know if this little meeting of theirs is going to end any time soon. His mind is filled with images of Haley, and he tries to remember a time when all there was, was basketball. Life was easier back then, when all he worried about was himself.

Easier, but not better.

..........

****

_When he was a little boy he used to come to The Rivercourt all the time, with his friends. It was where the older boys played, so despite its grungy exterior and ratty hoops, it was cool by default. He would go there in the afternoons during the summer, and in the early evening during the school year._

_Sometimes the older kids would even let him and Tim get in on a few games. He learned how to be aggressive on that court. He learned how to steal the ball, and make three pointers when someone twice your height was in front of you. His father thought he learned that in camp. He thought he learned it from him._

_It was around Nathan's twelfth birthday that Dan discovered where his son went after dinner every evening. He was driving by late after work, when he saw him and Vegas and a few guys that were Juniors from THH, playing a game of PIG._

_Well needless to say, he was never allowed back at the court after that. One of very few limitations Dan actually put on his son. Nathan thought it ridiculous at the time, and still does to this day, although he never says it. _

_It's a Saturday morning when he finally found his way back there again after so many years. His head was still full of thoughts he didn't want to think about. About a girl he didn't want to think about. A girl he didn't even know._

_Nathan isn't the kind of guy who got hooked up on girls. Sports, basketball, material things like his car. Yes, but not women. What was the point in wasting your time on one, when there where millions out there yet to be explored. At least that used to be his theory_

_It had been months seen he'd or talk to this girl, and she was still buzzing around in his head. Plaguing him. It was to the point of annoyance now. He couldn't get rid of her._

_He'd gotten up unusually early that morning, the first image in his mind was of her smile. The way her lips curled delicately up in the corner of her mouth, and her eyes grew big. Even as he showered he found himself thinking about her and trying hard not to touch himself. It was absurd. It was the sixth time this month that is had happened. Every time he would try different things to distract himself: watching television, listening to music, taking naps, shooting hoops in the back yard. It wasn't working. _

_So instead of doing the same this morning he got in his car and road aimlessly around town for a half and hour. He considered calling some people up to hang out, but it was still to early in the day. Everyone else he knew was probably still sleeping in._

_By chance, or maybe a little of his own curiosity at work, Nathan found himself driving past The Rivercourt.. Nobody was there, as he expected, so he decided it wouldn't hurt to practice a little by himself. He actually found it was sort of peaceful out in the open like this, with no one around. It made him feel less alone._

_It was when he'd almost wiped her completely from his mind, gotten to a point where he was in the zone, the ball the only things he was focusing on, that she seemed to appear out of thin air._

_He saw her out of the corner of his peripheral vision. She was standing at the edge of the river, taking pictures of the Ferry as it drifted by. Her camera was big and bulky compared to her small hands, but she held it with a certain amount of ease. Taking pictures quickly and accurately._

_Nathan stopped bouncing the ball to watch her. Interested. Intrigued. Irritated that he was either._

_She finished her role, and began moving back further up on the grass ledge when she saw him looking at her._

_They both paused, not sure what to do._

_A first for him._

_"Hey," he said nonchalantly, like they met this way often._

_"Hey," she chimed back, and let her arms fall to her sides. He could tell she wanted to fidget with the object that dangled from her neck, but was forcing herself not to. She was really rather quirky, he thought._

_"So what's with the camera," he asked, bouncing the ball up and down at his side, without even looking at. Like it was just another appendage from his body._

_She glanced down at her chest and then back up at him, like she had forgotten it was even there."Oh, uh, it's for the Layout."_

_"The Layout?"_

_He gave her a questioning look, not sure what she was talking about and that caused her to smile. _

_"Sorry, occupational hazard. Um, I'm taking pictures for the Yearbook. It's for Mr. Bauer. He wants all of the editors to pick a few places that we think would look nice for the cover shot of this year's Yearbook and where we would like our Senior class picture taken. So I'm just scouting out some locations for him."_

_Nathan glanced down at his wrist watch. "At seven o'clock in the morning?"_

_Nobody he knew would ever be up this early on Saturday. Not for alcohol, or parties or probably even sex, and least of all, after school activities. Something about the way this girl held the camera in her hand, the way she looked so concentrated as she took those pictures, told him that she considered this more than a hobby. More than just something you do to get though High School._

_Nathan found, he could see where she was coming from on that._

_Haley laughed nervously and chewed on her bottom lip. She was definitely jittery and nervous alright. Nathan wasn't positive, but he was pretty sure that river boats didn't cause this kind of anxiety in people. And it gave him no small amount of satisfaction to think that the girl that had been refusing to leave his head, might not be quite as put off by him as he had previously imagined. Which now gave him power._

_"Yeah, well I'm one of those early to rise, early to shine kind of people, you know?"_

_"No, I don't know actually," he smirked back at her. He didn't want to be such an asshat to her, that wasn't his intention when he'd first said hello, but somehow, the part of him that had been aggravated by her relentless presence in his mind, couldn't help but leak through it's only possible outlet: his mouth._

_She was taken off guard by his change in attitude and his words. They'd gone from friendly conversation to something else entirely in a matter of seconds, and she couldn't figure out why._

_For a moment she just stood staring at him in silence, not sure what to say to that kind of comment. Nathan watched the changing emotions through her eyes. He stared back at her, waiting for her next move, wanting to see how far he could push. _

_"I'll see ya later," she finally managed to get out. The sky above her was becoming cloudy and light gray and she felt a shiver run up her spine._

_"What's the rush? You got anywhere else better to be?"_

_"I should really just . . . go," she turned to leave then, and Nathan figured that maybe being the asshole this time around wasn't going to grab her attention like it did with so many of the other girls he hung around with. But that was the kicker, wasn't it? He didn't know why he even cared. This girl, this strange intriguing girl, who he'd spent a minuscule amount of time with, had managed to worm her way into his brain. And whatever this was that he was feeling for her, had to be extinguished._

_He didn't like it. He didn't want it. He didn't need it. But he couldn't get rid of it._

_"Where are you going," he let the basketball fall from his hand, as he jogged up beside her._

_"Home," she spit out, and he saw the distaste in her words. It made him want to laugh._

_Nathan glanced around and saw no car insight, except for his own. But he hadn't really expected to see one anyway. "You're going to walk all that way?"_

_"I've done it a million times," she defended and picked up some speed. "It's not that far."_

_He found himself quickening his steps with hers and wanting to bitch slap himself for following her like a god damn lovesick puppy. What was this? Some elementary-school crush? He did not get those. He could have practically any girl he wanted and he was chasing after some nobody? No. He knew if he could watch himself right now he'd give himself a good hard kick in the balls. Nathan Scott did not chase after girls. This . . . this fascination or whatever it was he'd suddenly attained for her, was just because she didn't want him back. It was the oldest story in the book. Guy sees girl. Guys meets girl. Girl pretends she doesn't want guy, so guy feels he must have girl. It was all a bunch of crap._

_What he really needed was just to sleep with her and get it over with. Have one meaningless night full of meaningless sex that would erase her from his mind completely._

_Nathan often got bored with things once he played with them enough, and he knew she would be no exception. It was all about playing the game._

_"Well let me make it easy for you. I'll give you a ride."_

_She kept her steps hurried, but turned her head toward him. "No. Thank you."_

_"Why not?"_

_"I would prefer to walk," was her excuse, and Nathan laughed._

_"No one prefers to walk. Now come on. Let me give you a ride," he said and placed his arm around her shoulder to draw her back toward his car._

_She tensed at his touch and shrugged off his arm. " I said no."_

_Never to be out done, Nathan let her little brush off slide over. He kept his smile tight and precise._

_"Are you always this hostile to everyone? Or just the people you don't know?"_

_She started to scoff at him, but held herself back. "Just the people I don't know and don't trust."_

_Nathan's smile widened. Who knew she was full of such fire?_

_"Ok fair enough," he brought his hands up in defense. "But I wasn't asking for your social security number. I just want to give you a ride home."_

_Haley shook her head and turned to look at him again. There was an intensity in her eyes he hadn't seen before, and fueled him."Why? Because you want to be nice to me? I bet you don't even know my name."_

_"I know your name," he threw back at her, meeting her challenge._

_"Really? Ok, tell what it is?"_

_She'd stopped walking, her body a foot a way from his, her hands folded around her body, trying to keep herself warm from the cool breeze._

_Nathan racked his brain for an answer. "It's-It's um It's . . . "_

_"It's Haley," she spit out and turned back around. "Goodbye."_

_Nathan paused, not sure what to do. He hated that this girl made him feel this way. He hated not knowing how to act. He knew his chances of getting her out of his mind let alone sleeping with her were slipping away from him as the seconds passed. If he let her walk away, if he didn't try to salvage his mistake then she probably wouldn't ever talk to him again. And as much as he wanted to say, screw it, he also didn't want to spend the next few months with the image of her smile in his head when he woke up every morning. _

_"Haley! Haley wait! Hold up," he called, running up next to her, and grabbing her hand to stop her. She glared at him contempt and he pulled his hand away._

_"You got me ok. I didn't know your name. But that doesn't mean I didn't want too. I know that sounds like some lame pick up line, but it's the truth. I was just too afraid to ask. I know I was being a jackass back their a few minutes ago. And you'll have to forgive. I'm not really used to this whole nice guy routine. But I do want to hangout with you sometime. And I'd really like to give you a ride home, if you'd let me."_

_He could literally see the ice melt from her eyes as he spoke. He saw her brow crinkle up and smooth out, her big doe eyes staring up at him, questioning him, wanting to believe him. And that's when he knew he had her._

_"Haley," he said softly, his face innocent._

_"Okay," she relented with reluctance, and followed him back to his car._

_The ride to her house was completely silent, minus the formal directions. Haley continually glanced out the side window and Nathan kept his eyes mostly on the road. His mind was full._

_When they pulled up into her driveway, she sat still, waiting for him to say something, ready to jump out, yet not wanting to._

_Nathan turned to her, ready to pull out all his charm. Ready to do what he had to, to get what he needed._

_Which was why, even he was surprised when the words, "So I'll see ya at school on Monday," spilled out of his mouth, without a second thought._

_Haley saw him smiling at her, leaning toward. "Yeah, I guess so," she breathed out, worn out by their entire encounter. She half-expected him to try and kiss her again, the way he was smirk at her like she was some kind of meat._

_"I'll look for you," he reached over her and Haley waited for the kiss. Not sure what she would do or how she would handle it. Instead if feeling his lips against hers, however, she felt his arm slide across her stomach and reach to unlock her door for her, pulling up on the latch and pushing it open. _

_Somewhat relieved, but more so disappointed Haley smiled and nodded, and slid out of the car and into her house. Nathan sat in his car, and thought about why he didn't kiss her._

_He couldn't come up with an answer._

.........

****

It's midnight when Rich finally leaves, and Nathan thinks he can hear a collective sigh front him and his mother when his father shuts the door. He doesn't even waste time messing with the pleasantries once it's just him and his family again.

"I'm going to bed," he says, and stalks up to his room. He can hear his mother call 'goodnight' to him, hears his father mumble something about not staying up too late watching tv, but he doesn't really pay attention.

Once he's in the confines of his room, he pulls out his cell-phone and pushes number one on his speed dial. He waits a couple seconds and then hears a groggy voice pickup from the other end.

"Hello," she answers in nothing more than a whisper, and Nathan wonders why he hasn't noticed before that Haley's voice soothes him like a hit of Valium. He listens and his body is warm and sleepy. All through that meeting he's been restless and tense, about to start throwing things.

"Hey, it's me. You awake?"

"Now I am," she answers and her voice is smooth and gravely all at the same time. She seems a little irritated, and Nathan thinks that makes her sound even more sexy.

"I'm gonna come over, alright," it's more of a demand than a request, and usually she would just say no, but something in his voice tells her she shouldn't.

"Alright," she says, and goes to change out of her pajamas.

He parks on the street in front of her house. He doesn't even worry about her parents waking up and catching them anymore. Usually they aren't there, or if they are, they never wake up. Dead people don't sleep as heavy as they do.

Haley comes out the front door when she sees him pull up, and he thinks that just goes to prove his point more.

He has the front door open for her, and his stereo is turned down low. It's not something Haley recognizes from his collection, it's soft and mournful, pretty. Nathan catches her by the arm roughly and pulls her in. Haley stumbles into the car, falls onto Nathan and Nathan mumbles "c'mere" and somehow they both fit in the passenger seat. Haley left knee bangs against something hard and her right foot skids on the asphalt outside.

"Hey, are you ok," she asks, when she sees a darkness pass over his eyes. It's not lust, or want, or need. It's something else entirely.

Nathan slumps his head back against his seat, Haley still in his lap. "Yeah. I'm fine. Just the same crap as always."

She doesn't attempt to move, likes how his hands feel wrapped around her body, in even her uncomfortable position. "Did your Dad bring over another scout?"

He puffs out a laugh and closes his eyes. Opens them again and refocuses them on her. "No, but close. An actual coach this time. From Penn State no less."

Haley can see that Dan Scott's exceedingly high standards for his son are wearing thin. Nathan wants to be perfect for his Dad, just as much as Dan wants Nathan to be perfect. But it's a false utopia, Haley knows this. Yet she also knows Nathan doesn't always appreciate what he has either.

"He just wants to make sure you get to play in a good school next year Nathan."

"No, he wants to make sure I play in the school's he likes Haley. It's different."

"At least he cares enough to try," she retorts and Nathan just shrugs. She just doesn't get it. And he doesn't have the energy to explain it to her.

"Yeah, maybe," he takes a long breath in and brushes her hairs away from face, leans forward and rests his head against her neck.

Haley runs her hands over his back and rests her head against his. She feels his body try to relax around her. They sit that way for awhile. Neither of them moving.

"Tomorrow," Nathan says before he leaves, and Haley stands in the yard and watches him drive away. The cool spring night air seeps into her body and takes away all the heat he left behind. She's freezing when she slips back into bed.


	5. Do You Believe In What You See

**Author's Note:** Here's the next update for you all, the next one should be out tomorrow sometime hopefully!

Chapter 5

**Do You Believe In What You See**

It's Monday morning, and Haley sits in Mrs. Sheldon's office. The door which reads, 'Academic Advisor' on the front is left slightly ajar, and Haley can hear voices from other students as they come in and out of the adjoining offices nearby.

There's no window's in this room, and the walls are stark white and bright. Haley thinks that this is what it must feel like to be locked in an insane asylum. Thinks, highschool is kind of like an insane asylum, actually.

Mrs. Sheldon sorts through some files and turns around to her computer. She types a few things in and then looks at Haley. She smiles sweetly, and Haley can't help the urge to smile back. Her past advisor, Mrs. Carlsen was old and crotchety and always seemingly in some hurry, despite the fact that she never had anything to do.

Mrs. Sheldon seems different though. Kind. Or maybe just sincere, and that makes Haley want to smile at her. Mrs. Sheldon is young, and modern. She has a soft lilt to her voice when she speaks, and Haley figures she must be from farther South.

"So I see in my files here that you applied to a number of schools all over North Carolina Haley. And a few in some other states. Have you heard back from any of them yet?"

Haley blanches. " A few."

"Can I ask which ones," Mrs. Sheldon looks at her expectantly, and she swallows hard.

"Chapel Hill, NCSU, Duke, and Northwestern," Haley mentally counts them off inside her head. She can't help but fidget in her chair. Talking about education, the future, especially her own, makes her ten kinds of uncomfortable. It's so difficult for her to think about where she'll be in four months when everything depends on a little slip of paper. One piece of paper that either has the word _Congratulations_ on it, or it doesn't. She tries to focus on all the work she's done over the past four years of highschool. All the long nights studying, and sleepless nights perfecting projects to get to this point. It doesn't make the future seem less daunting.

"By looking at your impeccable academic record, I'm going to take a gamble here and bet myself you got into all of them, right," Mrs. Sheldon gives Haley a pleased look, and Haley humbly nods.

She should probably be more excited for herself. All of her work has finally paid off. She has a ticket out of Tree Hill. If only she can find a way to afford it.

"What's with the glum face then? Are you worried about the money Haley? I know tuition can be expensive, and that costs look overwhelming on page, but I have no doubt you will receive grants and scholarships," she continues on talking and Haley keeps nodding. She's heard it all before. Every counselor spits out the same speech to her. She knows all about financial aid. She's read all of the brochures and pamphlets, and websites. She has it covered.

It's that other part of her life that has her worried. The one her parents, or any amount of scholarship money can't help with. And Mrs. Sheldon can tell.

"Is it something else? Haley," she adds her name like an afterthought. Haley wonders if it her emtions are written all over her face, or if Mrs. Sheldon is just more perceptive than the other adults in her life.

"It's nothing–,"she begins and changes her mind. "It's just this guy . . . "

Mrs. Sheldon blinks. Haley's surprised her, and it makes her crack a smile.

"A guy?. . .This guy--Are you seeing him?"

Haley doesn't know if _seeing_ is quite the word she would use, but it works all the same. "Yeah I guess you could say that."

Mrs. Sheldon grins. "Is it that boy I've seen you talking to in the halls after school? What's his name–I think it's Nathan Scott, am I right?"

Haley freezes. She's not sure whether to deny it or try to avoid answering the question altogether. Everyone in school knows Nathan is Brooke's boyfriend. At least Haley though everyone knew. Suddenly this friendly advisor/student conversation has turned into a rather uncomfortable student/counselor gossip.

"Look, I'm not trying to pry Haley. The only reason I ask, is because I've heard gossip from some of the other students and teachers, and I don't know if Nathan Scott is the best person for you to be associating yourself with, this close to graduation, finals coming up and such. I know it's none of my business, and you can tell me to go jump off a cliff if you like, but just keep in mind one thing Haley. People will come and go in your life. Just makes sure you know which ones are worth keeping, and which ones aren't."

Haley nods. She feels drained and she really wants to leave, but she knows it would be awkward if she just got up for no reason, so she plasters a fake smile on her face, and tries to pretend that Mrs. Sheldon's advice is actually valuable to her.

Mrs. Sheldon hands her a few papers from her desk. "Make sure you go over those scholarship applications as soon as possible."

Haley nods more determined this time, now that she has something more substantial to focus on. She can see Mrs. Sheldon isn't quite done yet though and looks to be gearing up to lecture her again when the bell for the end of the class period ends.

Haley gathers her bag off the ground and moves to walk out when the older woman speaks once more. "Remember to get those papers back to me as soon as you can."

"Yeah, of course," Haley murmurs, and tries to scuttle out the door.

"And Haley," she calls out, stopping her. "One more thing. You know I'm here for anything you need to talk about. School related or not," she seems apprehensive when she says this, and Haley thinks it's a good attempt, but it won't help nontheless.

"Ok thanks Mrs. Sheldon," she says politely and slips back into the reality of school, and outside the cozy whiteness of Mrs. Sheldon's office.

The halls are crowded and full, now that classes have just been let out. And people from different groups huddle together and talk about unimportant things. Haley wants to go to her locker, but knows she won't make it through all the people and back before the bell rings again. She takes the stairwell up to the second floor, and attempts to make a shortcut to Advanced English.

She tries to avoid running into a group of freshman, and swerves to the side. She glances up and sees Nathan walking past her on the opposite side of the hall. He looks upset about something, or at the very least pissed off. Tim and another one of his friends are trying to mess around with him, but he seems determined to avoid them. Haley can't help but stare at him, as he passes her. For half a second she thinks he might see her, and give her some kind of secret signal of recognition, but he doesn't. And deep down she knows even if he had seen her, he probably wouldn't have done anything anyway.

Still, she can't help but stare. He's got such beautiful bone structure, and deep eyes. It's hard to focus on anything else when's he's around.

Haley twists her head back a little to keep watching him, even after he's long passed her. She doesn't see the figure coming her way as she continues to walk. She feels the loud slam of two bodies hitting each other, and then she blinks. She notices that books, her and someone else's lay all over the beige and brown speckled linoleum floor.

Haley snaps herself out of her Nathan zone and grabs at all the books on the floor frantically."Oh, I'm so sorry, I didn't–"

Brooke glares back at Haley, and snatches a book from her hand. Claiming it as her own. "You didn't what," she snarls. "Didn't see that I was right here walking when you ran into me? Or was it that you were too busy staring at someone else's boyfriend to bother watching where you were going?"

Haley thinks she can feel her blood run cold inside her veins. She thinks she can feel her throat close up. She looks at Brooke and then at Jake Jagleski standing quietly by her side. She has the distinct urge to flee down the hall and out of the building and to never come back. She hates confrontation. especially confrontation that she has control over. She hates lying. She hates denying what she was doing when it was completely harmless. Part of her hates Nathan, for putting her in this predicament.

"I apologize for running into you. it was my fault," she says as professionally as she can, even though she really wants to spit in Brooke's face, for being such an evil B itch to everyone all the time.

Brooke looks back at her with the utmost of disdain and rolls her eyes. As if she never really expected Haley to answer the question all along.

"Whatever. Come on Jake," she sighs and flips her hair behind her shoulder as she walks away.

Everything looks perfect, Haley thinks. It always does, from far away.

.............

The cool spring night air breezes through an open window in Brookes living room and she goes to shut it.

"Leave it open, I'm hot," Nathan says and continues to flip channels on the tv

"You want hot? I'll make you hot," she purrs and hops on the couch beside him. Slowly she crawls up to him and her hands and knees and stops when her mouth in next to his ear. She flicks her tongue out and runs it along the lobe and down against his jaw line. She begins to nibble on the smooth skin his neck, as her hand slinks over his chest. She moves her hand down across his chest and stops at his pants. She begins to unbutton them when she feels Nathan adjust his sitting position. She moves closer to him again, and tries to begin her ministration again, when he shifts some more.

With and irritated gruff she pushes off of him.

"What is your problem?"

Nathan eyes are glued to the television. He feels Brookes staring at him and turns his head slightly.

"What? I'm trying to watch t.v."

Brooke's eyes widen and he can tell that she wants to have sex. She always wants to have sex. It's unbelievable. Nathan knows their entire relationship was built mostly on the physical, but even he needs a break sometimes. It's too hard to keep focused on everything and everyone all the time. Everybody wants his attention and he just wants to be left alone.

His father was being one Hell of a bastard that morning, and he can't get his words out of his head._ "You need to pick a school Nathan."_ Yes, he knows this. It's been shoved down his neck everyday for the last six months. He has no idea where he wants to go to college. If he even wants to go to college. All that matters is that he wants to play ball. It's the one thing he's good at.

His father refuses to let up though, and lately so does Brooke. She's always so suspicious of wherever he goes, and does. He just wants to shut her up. He wants everybody to just shut up.

"So," Brooke picks at her manicured nails, detracted for the moment from touching him. " I caught Little-Miss-Brain-Queen ogling you in the hallway again."

Nathan's heart skips a beat at the mention of Haley, but he remains calm. "Who?"

"Ugh you know, that annoying short girl that's always staring at you."

"Oh, the short girl," Nathan spits out sarcastically and shakes his head. "What the Hell are you talking about Brooke."

"Her name is like Holly or Kaley or something. I don't know. But I do know she stares at you all the time. And I know, you know, she stares at you all the time. And the thing is, I think you like it Maybe a little too much."

Brooke's eyes are zoned in on his, and he can see her trying to work things out in her head. Maybe him and Haley are getting sloppy. It's time to stop being stupid.

"Well the only one I'm staring at is you," he lies, with a spectacularly charming smile, pulls Brooke to him in a rough kiss. Their lips collide and smack, and Nathan runs his hands all over her body, He lets Brooke undress him, and press her body against his.

They fall to the floor in front of the muted television screen. Brooke moans low and soft as they move togther. Nathan tries to force his eyes open to look at her. He can't help but think of big brown eyes, and silky brown hair.

He smiles, when Haley's face comes into his mind. Brooke smiles back at him.


	6. So Much For The Afterglow

Chapter 6

**So Much For The Afterglow**

Nathan wakes up and can feel the leg of a coffee table stubbornly poking him in the back. He's sweaty and still on the floor in Brooke's living room. His body feels like a wound up accordion and his throat is salty dry. Brooke's asleep a few feet from him, curled up in his shirt. Nathan thinks about taking it from her, but knows that would definitely wake her up. So he just gets up and leaves without it.

.........

In his car he tries to block out all the noise in his head by listening to Ludacris on full blast. It doesn't work.

It never does anymore.

...........

He goes straight to his bathroom when he gets home. Once inside he splashes cold water on his face. Rubs away the smell of Brooke's perfume on his neck and hands. He stares at the reflection looking back at him in the mirror above his sink and realizes he doesn't even recognize himself anymore. He tries to remember when there was a time when he was ok with being with whomever he wanted, whenever he wanted, without this knot in his stomach afterwards. He can't remember.

He feels like letting go.

...........

_The last day before Christmas break had people practically jumping off the walls inside Tree Hill High. The air was filled with excitement and a happy giddiness that in a few precious hours they would be free from the confines of their daily prison for a solid two weeks. Nathan was sitting in the back of his Algebra class, making little paper basketballs with Vegas Parker and Terry Mason, while Tim, a few desks away held his arms out in a mock hoop. Each boy was taking turns trying to make their ball go into the hoop. Ten minutes left of class and Nathan was up by three with Terry close behind._

_Their teacher, Mr. Rolands had given up trying to teach anymore of the current chapter on logarithms, and simply let the class enjoy the last twenty minutes of fourth period in bliss. Some students were finishing assignments, others were chatting with the people next to them quietly, but the four boys in the back of the class made no regard for the fact that they were enjoying this free time to the full extent of their abilities._

_"Here–no to the left, to left–no my left you dumb-ass, my left----YEAH," Terry shouted with a hefty amount of testosterone induced glee, throwing his arms up in satisfaction when he made his last basket, with the help of Tim's moveable arms._

_"That doesn't count dude, you cheated," Nathan threw in casually, picking up another paper basketball and crunching it in his hand some more._

_"Hell yeah it counts. The ball went threw the hoop didn't," Terry countered._

_"Because Tim moved his arms. You wouldn't have made it if he hadn't," Vegas added with a challenging smile._

_"We never made any rules about not being able to move the hoop. So technically, no, I wasn't cheating," Terry gave them all a smug grin and threw another ball in Tim's drooping hoop._

_"Hey my arms are getting tired, anyone else wanna do this for a while," Tim gave them all a pitiful look, which caused the other three boys to pause and look at each other before turning back._

_"No," was their resounding answer, and they all laughed heavy and thick as Tim brought his hand up and flipped them off._

_"So are you still going skiing with your parents for Christmas," Terry asked Nathan, shaking off the last laugh._

_Nathan shrugged. As far as he knew that was the plan, not that it particularly interested him all that much. Sure all of his friends envied him for being able to take fantastic vacations and mini getaways whenever the mood suited him. Especially when they were completely paid for. But the thought of being cooped up with either, not to mention both of his parents for two whole weeks felt like more of a punishment than a prize. His friends didn't know his parents though, and that's not what was on their minds nonetheless._

_"You know they'll be a lot of helpless snow bunnies bouncing around on that mountain," Terry waggled his eyebrows and elbowed Nathan in side. "You'll have make sure to show them how to put on their _ski boots

_"–And take them off," Tim added, missing the subtlety of Terry's statement and causing the other boys to erupt into laughter again._

_"Yeah man, when was the last time you 'hit it' anyway," Vegas smacked Nathan on the arm._

_Nathan stiffened._

_Not that it was really any of their business who he'd been with or rather who he hadn't been with in the last couple of months, Nathan couldn't help but feel that he needed an excuse. He wasn't feeling well? He wanted to concentrate on his studies? No that one wouldn't work at all, they knew him to well for that._

_"I'm scoping out some new prospects," Nathan gave a rakish smile and took one of his paper basketballs, rolling it in the palm of his hands before expertly throwing it into the open backpack of some nerd sitting in the front of the class. _

_"You've been "scoping" for a while dude, what's there to see," asked Terry, as he ran a hand through his hair and leaned back in his chair leisurely._

_Nathan stilled again. He knew Terry was right. It wasn't like the beginning of the year, there wasn't any fresh meat in the halls, all the hot chicks had already been targeted and taken, or where ready for the taking. And Nathan knew that wasn't what his hesitation was about._

_It was about a small petite brunette who had been swimming around in his head for the last six months. A girl by the name of Haley James._

_It felt funny, thinking of her, Nathan thought, when there where so many other girls that he could be with. Girls that weren't infuriating or challenging or able to so throughly confuse him and heat him up at the same time. There were so many other girls he could be with that wouldn't complicate his life._

_But simplicity was highly overrated as Nathan was slowly coming to understand, a little too late._

_He'd made a promise to Haley on that early fall day, in the driver's seat of his car. He'd made a promise, and like most of those most promises, he'd broken it. He'd gone home that day from the Rivercourt with a bright smile. His father giving him a curious look, yet not asking any questions. Nathan had felt surprisingly peaceful all weekend._

_That Monday however was a different story. Walking to his locker and into his groups of friends, Nathan realized just how difficult assimilating someone like Haley into his group of friends would be. He didn't want to deal with the odd stares, the prying questions, he didn't want her to have to deal with it._

_Haley, she was sweet and naive and pure, and his friends would rip her apart. It wouldn't be fair to subject her to that. Most days he didn't want to deal with it. The popularity was great sure, but the superficiality of it was an extra benefit he could live without._

_And so when he'd seen her pass him by, her trusty camera strapped around her neck, her hair up in that same messy ponytail, Nathan found he didn't have the courage to say hello, or even smile. So he looked away, ignored her presence and went about with life as per usual._

_Except she was still haunting him, and life, his life to be more exact hadn't gone back to _normal

_Here he was, months later, having not talked to her, and rarely ever seeing her, and she was with him all the same. Luminous brown eyes and beautiful smile, everywhere he went, in every girl he saw there was her. Following him. Which was how he'd come to his present predicament. No girls in three and a half months and three eager friends very much wanting to know why._

_"There's plenty to see, if you know where to look," Nathan said, answering Terry's question with a sly grin._

_The other boys looked at each other amused and somewhat confused at Nathan's elusive attitude._

_"Well, whatever man, all I know is that if I were you, I'd definitely be getting my hook up with that little hottie right up there," Vegas uttered, and nodded his head to the front of the class where Brooke Davis had come in with a note for Mr. Rolands. She was currently resting one arm on his desk so that her body weight was shifted all to the right, causing the rather short plaid skirt she was wearing to flair out, showing off a healthy expanse of skin for all to see._

_Brooke Davis-cheerleader-extraordinaire, was one of those popular, gorgeous, innately exotic girls that all the boys wanted and all the girls wanted to be. She was also known for being rather loose in the circle of people Nathan ran with. They'd come into contact a few times before through mutual friends and basketball. The thought of him and her together however, had never really crossed his mind. Well not until that moment at least._

_As it was now, every boy in that class's eyes were no doubt centered on that one spot that lead up her skirt. All except for Nathan's. Who somewhere in between Vegas's words and their new focus, had been caught by Brooke who had then given him a flirtatious smile._

_Nathan couldn't help but smile back for his own amusement, and watch as she pointedly leaned a little farther to the right, so that her skirt would move up just a bit more for his pleasure._

_Terry took immediate notice of this interaction and pulled Nathan up out of his seat._

_"What are you doing," Nathan pulled his eyes away from Brooke's, as his friend began to drag him to the front of the class with him._

_"I'm going to distract Mr. Rolands. You are going to go get yourself some of **that**," Terry finished, gesturing to Brooke as she took Mr. Rolands note and left the classroom._

_Nathan didn't even have time to react before Terry and him were already at the front of the class. Terry rushed over distracting Mr. Rolands while, Nathan stood stupefied in the front of the class. A few students stared at him with quizzical looks as Tim and Vegas wildly signaled for him to go after her._

_Nathan gave his friends an evil smile and pushed his way out the door. When it clicked closed behind him he blew out a long sigh and shook his head before resting it back against the cold wood. His friends could so exhausting._

_"You look worn out. Long night," Brooke purred as she stood across the hall from him, leaning against a patch of lockers, and staring at him with lusty eyes. Nathan paused, startled that she had been there the whole time._

_"You could say that," he answered back cockily, switching gears so quickly she couldn't even tell. If Brooke wanted to play the game with him, he would play the game. He knew how to play the game._

_Brooke eased up off the lockers and stepped forward. Her eyes zoned in on his body and the way his chest muscles rippled through his shirt. "I hear you're throwing some kind of Christmas kegger tonight."_

_Nathan grinned and moved closer to her in the empty hall. "True," he nodded and ran his eyes up and down her body appreciatively. Give the girl credit, she did have a very nice body. And Nathan was pretty sure she knew all the well how to use it._

_"So whose all coming," she came up in front of him, her hand on her hip and her tongue running up and over her top lip teasingly._

_Nathan swallowed, and cocked his head to the side, "Well there's going to me, and my friends, and beautiful girls like yourself of course."_

_Brooke laughed and stuck her tongue out just enough to run it across the bottom of her teeth. "Is that supposed to be my invitation?"_

_"Only if you want it to be."_

_They were standing mere inches from each other now and Nathan could feel the sexual tension in the air. This girl wanted him. Badly. And she was definitely hot enough. She could be fun. Maybe even help him get rid of his little problem._

_The others girls he'd been with since meeting Haley hadn't helped to shake her image, but Brooke seemed different. More _spirited_. She would take all of his attention he was sure, and he figured that maybe that wasn't such a horrible thing right now. He could definitely use some distraction before his torturous vacation began._

_Brooke smiled and ran her hand down his arm. Nathan leaned forward, and saw Brooke's smile widened._

_The bell rang around them breaking the moment and students began to spill out of classroom's a second later. Behind him Nathan felt somebody smack him on the back and he turned around to see his buddies coming out of class, each one making a rather amusing facial expression as they passed by, letting Nathan know all to well that they expected to hear what had happened, or more importantly what was going to happen, later on._

_Nathan rolled his eyes and turned back to Brooke who was still giving him a naughty smile._

_"So you gonna drop by tonight or what," he asked as people began to push through and around them._

_"Guess you'll just have to in anticipation," Brooke teased and gave him a little wink before she fluttered down the hallway._

_Nathan puffed out a laugh at her entire bad girl act and turned back to the classroom to get his back pack. He went to his desk and scooped up the bag, saw that students for the next class were already starting to come in, and so he weaved his way through them saying 'hi' to a few people here and there. As he was about to exit the door, the figure of all his troubles came up right in front of him._

_Haley stood, trying to get in the classroom as Nathan stood trying to get out. For a second neither one moved._

_Haley stared up at him, her eyes dark and distressed She tried to look annoyed, but it came off much more hurtful than she would've liked._

_For moment Nathan expected her to say something or at least give him an angry expression, but instead she averted her eyes and squeezed her body through the small opening between him and the door, careful not to touch him. Nathan wanted to look back at her as he walked back into the hall. He wanted to say 'hey' and have it be ok between them. But he couldn't. He knew that now._

_It didn't make the thought of spending the next two weeks away from school any easier. Didn't make his ski trip seem anymore bearable. And it certainly didn't make the prospect of spending the night with Brooke anymore helpful._

_It's too late to go back now, Nathan knows._

_Things have changed._


	7. You Always Make Yourself The Victim Pt 1

**Author's Note:** Sorry this update took so long, but I've been stuck with a stupid flu bug that's going around, and have felt pretty crappy all week. Thank you for being so patient, much hugs.

Chapter 7

Part 1

**You Always Make Yourself The Victim**

Haley gets home from school and finds her mother stumbling around the kitchen in her grungy black robe. The one she wears when she's hung over.

"Where's the aspirin," Haley's mother barks at her the second she enters the back the door.

"In the medicine cabinet in the upstairs bathroom," Haley supplies quickly.

Her mother lets out an aggravated sigh and slumps down into one of the kitchen chairs. She holds a drink in her hand and sips at it gingerly, furtively. Haley can't be sure if its water that's in the glass or vodka. She would bet good money on the latter.

"Go up and get me some would you," her mother asks her with a sickly sweet allure.

Her mother's always nice when she wants something. Haley wants to point this out but doesn't. She can't help but oblige. For all her mother's faults, she feels compelled to do as asked. Her mother can be an awful terror, but whenever she smiles, flips on that tender charm, Haley knows she'll end up doing whatever is asked of her.

"Ok," Haley responds weakly and treads up the stairs to the bathroom.

Her face immediately falls however, when she opens the bottle of aspirin to find it completely empty. She'd made repeated forays to her father about picking up more when he went to the store, but as usual her requests fell on deaf ears. Nobody ever listens.

"We don't have any," she tells her mother when she comes back down into the kitchen. She says it apologetically, even though it wasn't her fault. Her mother grimaces and rubs at the temples on the sides of her head. She takes another sip from her glass.

"Why not?"

Haley bites her bottom lip, finds herself involuntary beginning to pickup dirty dishes that her mother has left scattered about. She hasn't gone to work today. She didn't go yesterday either. Haley starts to wonder if her mother still has a job _to_ go back to.

Things didn't used to be so bad. Her mother used to smile, used to have gorgeous brown eyes, instead of dark concaved holes that wither around the edges. They used to be happy.

They used to...

Haley doesn't want to think about the past. Not when it concerns her family, or her mother.

"Why don't we have any aspirin Haley," her mother repeats, and this time her voice is laced with venom, her hair falls in front of her face, and casts shadows over her already dark eyes. This isn't the first time Haley's been afraid of her mother. It always creeps up on her.

"I uh think Dad forgot to pick some up when he went shopping last week," she mutters, and piles plates into the sink, turns on the faucet to rinse them.

Her mother seems irritated by the noise and grumbles. "And why didn't you pick any up?"

"I didn't have time," Haley replies, and it's the truth. In between school, homework, the yearbook, scholarship applications, studying for finals, trying to choose a college, and figure out her future, there hasn't been time for anything else. This, of course, doesn't matter to her mother and its evident on her face in how she scowls. Her mother always seems so mad at her these days. Haley wonders what she did wrong.

"Well you have time now, so go get some," her mother orders and gulps back the final bit of her drink. Haley glances at the remaining dirty dishes in the sink-- to her back pack full of AP homework and the last pieces that need to be finished for the Yearbook. She squeezes her eyes shut and takes in a deep breath, lets it out slowly.

"Do you want the regular kind or extra strength," Haley asks, and grabs her wallet from her back pack.

"Extra strength," her mother mumbles tritely and then heads back up stairs to her bedroom to try to sleep.

Haley doesn't know why she even bothers to ask anymore.

…….

On her way to the store Haley avoids the central roads and cuts through the neighboring subdivisions. She takes mental pictures as she walks. The temperature is cool for an afternoon in May, but its nice. The sky is strikingly bright blue, and the clouds look pearly white and fluffy. The sun cascades through the tree branches and filters light onto everything below. It makes the street look mysterious and inviting. Haley notices a young boy and girl in a yard nearby. The little girl sits in a tire swing as the boy pushes her back and forth. They're smiling, laughing, having fun. Haley wishes she could take a picture of that feeling.

…….

_Two weeks after Christmas vacation had ended and to everyone, Haley included, it already felt like they'd never left at all. The class schedule for the new semester had come into effect upon the students return, and Haley found that listening to her counselor Mrs. Carlsen wasn't such a grand idea after all. Sure switching Trig from first period to last to give her extra study time in between classes sounded like a good idea in the moment, but that now left her to suffer in Mr. Shaw's first period Geography with non other than Nathan Scott and his band of miscreants._

_She tried to switch her schedule back the second she walked in and saw Nathan lounging over three separate desks, arms spread wide, legs propped up like he owned the room. She saw him and knew she didn't want to have anything to do with him. At least that's what she tried to tell herself._

_The first month had been hard. Harder than she'd expected seeing as she'd never really gotten to know Nathan. It didn't matter though. In the time that they had spent together she felt like they'd made some kind of connection. At the Fair that night, and again at the Rivercourt. _

_At first she tried to tell herself that she was crazy for feeling upset about his actions, that she was overreaching simply because she found him just a little bit attractive. But no matter how much she tried to ignore the physical, she found it still hurt at night before she went to sleep, when she thought about how he seemed to really open up with her, even if it was only for a few precious moments._

_It all felt like a huge lie now. The charming smiles, and stupid conversations, it hadn't meant anything to him, he was just playing around with her, seeing if he could.....well she still wasn't sure what he'd wanted from her exactly. After the day he'd dropped her off at home, and promised to see her at school on Monday, nothing had happened. She wasn't stupid enough to think that he'd approached her to make a new friend. Nathan had enough of those. But he hadn't tried get in her pants either. Which left her more perplexed, and confused. What did Nathan want? Why had he made a false promise to her, if he didn't want anything to begin with? There were more questions than answers, and Haley didn't want to think about any of it._

_She just wanted the pain she felt every time she looked at Nathan to go away. She wanted to erase Nathan from her mind. Go back to concentrating on school, and Yearbook, and the things that really mattered. More than anything she didn't want to have to spend an entire semester in class with him every Monday through Friday. She pleaded and made excuse after excuse to Mrs. Carlsen about how she just couldn't stay in Geography with Mr. Shaw, but first period Trig was filled. _

_End of story._

_So Haley found herself, two weeks into the semester, sitting in her assigned seat, three desks behind Nathan's, and cringing every time she heard him and his idiot friends ramble on about their crazy party stories and who got laid by whom, and who was having what party this weekend. It was disgusting._

_She tried to tune out their voices and focus on her study guide, but after three days of Tim Smith trying to pry information out of Nathan about his supposed "night" with Brooke Davis, Haley didn't think she could handle anymore. She felt her tolerance level thinning by the minute. And seeing as how Tim had started in, the moment they'd walked into class that day, Haley figured Nathan was either going to finally give it up or she was going to pop a blood vessel. Either option seemed more appealing than listening to Tim's whining._

_Mr. Shaw stood at the front of class and cleared his throat to get everyone's attention again. "Quiet down guys. Now when you're done with you're quizzes today, I'd like you to please leave them up on my desk," Mr. Shaw announced to the class as he was handing out a paper to each student._

_Haley went to work the second the paper her hit her page. She went through each multiple choice question and canceled out the immediate wrong answers. She found that the process of elimination took her longer to finish quizzes, but nine times out ten, secured her a better grade than if she just went directly for what she thought was the right answer. She wasn't surprised when thirty minutes into class, almost everyone was finished with the quiz except for her._

_Nathan and Tim had finished their quizzes 15 minutes into class and were now talking to each other with no regard to anyone else around them. Haley scrunched her head down and tried to lean into one of her arms to block out the noise. It wasn't helping._

_"....and Rachel told me she saw Brooke's car in your driveway last night. So she came over right," Tim questioned, his arms folded in front of him as he leaned forward._

_Nathan rolled his eyes. "Maybe."_

_"Maybe as in 'yes'," Tim smiled and Nathan turned away._

_"Maybe as in step off it already man," Nathan grumbled and Haley could tell he was getting annoyed. It made her the smallest amount of happy that he was refusing to say anything to Tim._

_"Alright Nate. You tell me where you got that hickey, and I promise to leave you alone. Cross my heart," Tim joked sarcastically, pointing to a newly red splotch on Nathan's neck._

_Nathan shoved his hand away and Tim laughed. Haley shuddered. _

_Happiness gone._

_She forced her eyes back on her paper and away from Nathan and Tim's smiling faces. She checked over her answers once, twice and then again for good measure. She felt her throat tighten as she stood to take her quiz up to the front of the class. Her body tensed when she hit Nathan's ankle._

_"Excuse me," she said, when she came up against his leg blocking the isle._

_"You're excused," he said, keeping his eyes cast away from hers. He didn't move his feet and Haley could feel her blood begin to boil. She glanced down and saw an open bottle of blue gatoraide stupidly sitting on the corner of desk. When she turned to step over his leg she let her arm whip out and collide with the bottle._

_The second the blue liquid fell onto Nathan's white shirt and jeans he jumped up from his desk. All eyes were on him as he cursed and tried to wipe the wetness away. Snickers and cracks could be heard around the room. Haley simply smirked and shrugged._

_"Oops, my bad,'" she smiled at him innocently and traveled the rest of the way up to Mr. Shaw's desk. The bell rang a few moments later and the rest of the students piled out of the classroom._

_Haley went back to her desk to fetch her bag . As she tried to leave, she found Nathan standing in front of her, blocking her way. He was tall, so tall when he stood right in front of her. Haley thought if he wrapped his arms around her, she could get lost in his grasp. _

_She looked up at him and he met her gaze._

_They stared back at each other in silence, testing one another. Waiting for the other to speak._

_"You're in my way," Haley said, her eyes intent._

_He smirked down at her but didn't move. "Then go around me."_

_He was blocking the entire isle with his body, and to get to her back pack she would have to squeeze through the desk beside her to get into the next isle. She wouldn't cower down to him. He was doing this to get a rise out of her and she wasn't going to take the bait._

_"I can't," she countered, her voice stronger than she'd given herself credit for._

_Nathan seemed to have conflicting emotions about her reaction. He looked amused but also angry. The blue stain on his shirt was all across the front and he glanced down at it with annoyance._

_"Sure you can," he said as if she were some incompetent child._

_"No, I can't. You're in my way."_

_"Well maybe if you didn't go around ruining people's shirts, they'd be more willing to do what you asked," his eyes bore down into hers and the entire room went silent. Haley wanted to pour her heart out to him. She wanted to tell him what a complete jerk he was.. But what was the point? People like Nathan didn't care. Not about her anyway._

_"I just want to get my back pack," she mumbled. When he still didn't budge she blurted out," Move."_

_"But you didn't say the magic word," his voice was serious, his face was still. Haley didn't understand why he felt the need to taunt her. Granted, it wasn't the most mature thing in the world for her to exact petty revenge on him through sports beverages, but she hurt because of him. How he couldn't see that, was beyond her. _

_"Move," she said again, and he just stared down at her. "Move," she repeated for the third time, her voice loud, her hands trembling under the gaze of his sea blue eyes. She wanted to know what was behind them, what sadness he was caring with him, what passions, what drive. She wanted to know him._

_"Nathan...,"she cried out and that broke him out of his stare. Brought him back to reality and how close they were. _

_She could see him go to say something else but didn't. She refused to back down. She wouldn't let Nathan swallow her up like so many others. She was just as good as him. She was just as worthy as him. And in that moment, blue eyes staring intently down into brown, Haley thought that Nathan really saw it._

_"Nate come on," they heard a voice yell from out in the hall._

_No words were spoken when he finally turned away._

_He was too lost, and she was still too hurt._


	8. You Always Make Yourself The Victim Pt 2

Chapter 7

Part 2

**You Always Make Yourself the Victim**

Haley goes straight to the back of the store where the prescription drugs are located. She searches for aspirin, Tylenol, Excedrin, Advil, there are way too many kinds. She finds what she's looking for after 10 minutes of searching, grabs a few other things along the way and then heads up towards the cash register. She hears a familiar female voice in the next isle and freezes. It's Brooke. She's shopping with her friends.

Haley ducks and turns the corner to avoid seeing her and runs straight into Jake Jagelski.

"Hiding from someone," he laughs, and Haley stands up from her crouched position. Her cheeks tinged pink.

"You could say that," she nods and peeks her head around the corner. Brooke's at the opposite end of the store now.

Jake catches who she's eyeing and a knowing smile spreads over his face and into his eyes. He looks highly entertained.

"Her bark's much worse than her bite." he says and Haley glances up at him. "Usually."

"I have a hard time believing that," Haley replies and they both smile.

"Yeah I don't blame you," Jake agrees, and Haley can't help but respect him. For as long as she's known Jake, he's always run with the basketball crowd, but he never let the popularity get to him. Despite all his chances to grow an ego, to be an asshole, he's always managed to stay the better man. Haley can't understand, why then, he hangs around with someone like Brooke Davis.

"Well I should probably..." Haley turns in the direction of the registers and Jake nods.

"Yeah, me too..." he turns to meet back up with Brooke and stops. "Hey Haley?"

She pauses and looks back at him. "Yeah?"

"Be careful," he says and Haley doesn't know if he's referring to Brooke or Nathan or both.

She smiles at him and nods. She thinks maybe Jake and Brooke—isn't for her to understand.

…………..

Haley's lost in her thoughts as she walks home. The grocery bags she carries were fairly light the first mile, but after two they now feel heavy. And she holds them like they were full of rocks.

A black range rover pulls up beside her and slows down.

"You're pretty hot for bag lady," Nathan calls out to her and she rolls her eys.

"Very funny," she slaps back sarcastically, but can't help the smile that spreads over her face at the sight of him.

He brightens at her expression, continues to follow her in his car as she walks.

"What are you doin'?"

Haley's face darkens at his question. She doesn't want to think about her mother around Nathan. It just brings her mood down She hides her frown. "I had to....to pick up some stuff for my mom," she says, leaving it as vague as she can.

"Are you going home now," he asks and she wants to say no. She wants to runaway with him. Disappear, become recluses and live on the road. Forget responsibility and obligations.

"Yeah," she says.

Nathan thinks she seems sad when she answers him. But he's not sure. "Get in," he tells her and leans over popping the passenger side door open.

"Nathan, I have to get home."

"Ok. Do you want to walk? Because I was planning on driving you there," he says with goofball charm. It makes her pulse race and her stomach flutter.

"Oh," Haley bites at her bottom lip and then slides into the seat. She sets her bags down at her feet and looks at Nathan. He's staring at her mouth. She's staring at him, staring at her mouth. She waits for him to come forward. But he doesn't.

She stretches her hand out and runs it along the side of his cheek and onto his jaw. He leans into the touch and his eyes involuntarily close. Haley doesn't even feel herself moving forward, until her lips are against his, his tongue reaching into her mouth asking for access. She grants it without hesitation and then their mouths are crushed together.

Nathan blindly gropes for her body, pulling her closer to him. He grabs a hold of her head and tangles his hands in her hair. Haley moans into his mouth. The feel of his touch melting her away.

Nathan pulls back, his breaths deep and his eyes heavy. He leans his forehead against hers.

"Hey," he says, his voice rough and husky.

"Hey," she says softly and can't help but giggle at how giddy he makes her feel. "I missed you."

He smiles with his mouthed closed. "Me too."

Haley settles back down into her seat as Nathan puts the car back into drive. She keeps her left arm on top of his thigh and lazily plays with the hem of shirt, feels the heat of his body through his clothes. Comforting.

"You've been gone all week," she looks up at him and meets his eyes as he turns his head. "Is everything ok?"

Nathan nods without wavering. It's like a gut reaction. Never let them know when your defenses are down. "Yeah. I had some stuff I had to deal with. It's fine."

Haley senses he's not being honest. She doesn't know how to make him tell her what's wrong though. Nathan hates to share...anything.

"Are you sure," she asks, and waits for him to nod and say yes.

"Yeah," he nods, and Haley can't help but feel concerned. She knows she should be irritated, but she can't help but want to, well, help.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. I really don't."

Nathan turns into her neighborhood. He notices how all the houses look exactly the same, like they were just carbon copies of one another. He wonders if the families are copies of each other too. The option would be better than his family now though.

Haley watches him as he drives. She can tell that something isn't right. He's more tense than usual, even for her. She really wants to ask him what's bothering him but knows it will only make him more angry. She doesn't have the time to argue with him right now.

"You can drop me off at the end of the street," she points to edge of the block a few houses away from hers and Nathan gives her a perplexed look.

"It's easier if I just pull up into your driveway," he keeps driving and Haley pulls her bags off the floor of the car quickly.

"I know, but you can't.....my Mom's home today," the words still in her throat and she watches Nathan pause for the briefest of seconds. He turns to her and his demeanor his straight forward.

"Haley, I don't care," he counters bluntly and continues to drive.

Haley places her hand on top of his on the steering wheel. "I do," she speaks softly, her voice laden with regret. "Please just drop me off here."

Nathan lets out a long tired sigh and pulls the car over to the side of the road. He lets Haley's hand linger on his, but he doesn't move to take it. She leans over and places a kiss on the corner of his mouth.

"I'll call you later," she whispers to him and then hops out of the car.

………

When Nathan walks in the front door, he can hear his father call out to him. He groans.

He wants to go up to his room. He doesn't want to talk to his father. He can't handle another guilt trip from him today.

"Nathan come in here," his father snaps again, and Nathan bites his tongue and goes into the family room.

His father has an uncharacteristically merry face and is holding up a white envelope for Nathan when he walks up to him.

"It's from Penn," his father shoves the letter in his hands with what Nathan can tell to only be something of happiness. "You got in."

Nathan pulls the white letter from the envelope and sees the Pennsylvania State University emblem stamped at the top of the paper. The word _Congratulations_, bounces back up at him. His heart stops.

Dan Scott smiles proudly. He sees his sons' whole future come into focus.

Nathan wonders why he can't see the same thing.


	9. I’m Locked In And Shut Out, Always In Be...

**Author's Note:** Dropping the next update off. You guys have been lovely with the feedback so thank you as always.

Chapter 8

**I'm Locked In And Shut Out, Always In Between**

****

****

****

It's late after school on Wednesday but Haley has nowhere to be. So she sits and cuts negatives in the darkroom.

She looks over at some of the pictures she developed earlier and smiles. Most of her more professional work was sent off in her portfolio to the Arts department at NYU, along with her application. What's left with her is a few pictures of the beach, kids playing in the park, an elderly lady feeding some birds, and then Nathan. She's got lots of Nathan.

There's something graceful about how his body looks, whether he's still or in motion. A picture of him playing basketball in her back yard, watching television, taking a nap on her couch all lay in a scattered pile on top of her other newly developed photos. Pictures of his hands, strong and beautiful, the side of his face, a close up of his eyes, the dark shadow of his tall body against a light open doorway hang to dry in the deep red light of the room.

Outside the halls are quiet and Haley knows it's because it's the end of the year. Sports, clubs, student council, they're all over with now. The only people left are teachers and those studying for their finals in the library. Haley wonders if she should be sad about graduating, leaving the school that was her surrogate home for the better part of four years.

_I'll figure out my future, then I'll be nostalgic_, she thinks, and cuts another roll.

The door to the darkroom clicks open and someone slips inside. Haley takes a moment to put down her roll of pictures before she can turn around, but by then its too late. Nathan's lips are on the back of her neck, his breath hot against her skin.

Suddenly Haley can't feel her legs anymore because they've turned jelly underneath her. She doesn't care. She leans back into his body, and his arms encircle her waist. She feels safe in his embrace.

Nathan can't stay in one place for too long, and as he trails soft sensual kisses up her neck to her jaw, Haley turns her head to meet his lips with her own, and that's when he lifts her off the working stool and sits down on it himself, placing Haley on his lap. Their kisses become heated and fierce. Haley can feel her face flush pink as Nathan's hands stray up the back of her shirt and she notices his touch is gentle anymore. It's desperate and wanting, and Haley pulls back from the kiss and his hands before they can crawl up her back any further.

Nathan's face looks falsely relaxed and he smiles at her lazily.

Haley wriggles out of his arms and feels the solid relief of concrete as it hits her feet. "You know you're supposed to knock before you come into a dark room?"

He puffs out a strangled laugh and crosses his arms over his chest. He watches as she picks up the roll she dropped the second his lips touched her flesh. She begins busying herself with other negatives.

"I think you're the only other person in this school this late in the day."

"Yeah? And whose the _other_ person?"

"Me," Nathan smiles and Haley can't help but laugh. Throughout her life she's never seen anyone as dedicated to one goal as Nathan is to basketball. She knows part of that comes from his father's constant pushing, and part of it comes from his own need to be the best, better than anyone else. He rarely talks about basketball with her, but on the few occasions that he has, she's always taken the conversation seriously. But after his little foray up her shirt she's not going to let an opportunity to tease go by either.

"At least I'm being productive with my time. You're just being obsessive and compulsive."

Nathan gives her a shocked expression, but cracks a smile. "Oh really? And see all this time I just thought I was driven."

"Driven by obsession maybe," Haley counters and then he does laugh.

He gets up off the stool and walks around the room surveying the space and the empty tables. He notices Haley's pictures of him hanging up and he smirks down at her, even though he's happy to see them there. Haley knows he enjoys seeing the pictures as well, and takes no offense at his cockiness, instead simply rolls her eyes and continues with her negatives.

"You know I've gone to this school for four years, and I didn't know this room existed until a couple of months ago."

"Yeah, you and 95 of our school's population. But that's a good thing. I would hate it if random people just started coming in here and—

"—having sex," Nathan supplies.

"Or making out, was what I was gonna say," Haley adds and turns away to put the pictures slices she was working on back into their box. She can't look at Nathan when he gets so overly sexual with her. It makes her nervous and tongue-tied.

"Oh, come on! This room was built in the corner of a hallway--in a hallway nobody really comes down. It was hidden for a purpose Haley. It's way too kinky not to be taken full advantage of," he slides up behind her and runs his hand down her arm until his fingers are strumming the inside of her palm delicately. It's extremely innocent and intimate at the same time and Haley can't read what Nathan wants from her by this action.

"No," she blurts out and untangles her hand from his.

"No, what," he asks slightly confused.

Haley turns around to face him, sternly. "You're giving me that look, and I'm just telling you **_no_**, right now. No--I'm not having sex with you in the dark room of our high school."

Her words are more harsh than she intended them to be and she can see that Nathan is taken aback by it. He shows no signs of hurt however, his eyes stare down at hers and he looks frustratingly indifferent.

"As opposed to the "no" sex we're having everywhere else," he throws back in her face, and even though he appears calm, his word are defensive. Haley feels as is she's been slapped in the face.

"Don't start this Nathan."

"Start what? You brought it up. I'm just restating the obvious," again another slap, and Haley can practically see all the easiness between them seep out of the room like a cloud of smoke under the door. She hates when they fight like this.

"Do you want me to feel guilty? Because I already do, and I shouldn't Nathan. I'm not even the one attached to someone else."

It doesn't matter how she says it, or even what she says, but every time she brings up Brooke it always manages to feel like a knife threw his heart. It terrifies him that her feelings are beginning to matter this much to him. He wonders when that happened, if it was gradual, or at all at once. All memory of it escapes him in this moment. His fists clench and his pulse races.

"Come on Haley! The Brooke thing again? I don't want to go over it," he says, his voice loud and commanding.

"Neither do I. So, _hey_, we agree on that," Haley counters bitterly and throws the rest of her photos in her book. She grabs her bag off the ground and starts putting stuff in it, pacing back and forth.

"Will you stop moving around," Nathan tries to catch her attention. "I have something to tell you."

"Does it involve Brooke," she spits at him and at first he wants to be angry with her for being so stubborn. But he can't seem to completely get there. For no matter how much she may annoy him, he knows she's only acting this way out of jealousy, and he finds it sexy sometimes. _Sometimes_ when he's not trying to have an important conversation with her.

"Nice," he says sarcastically and nods. "Be pissed at me if you want, but I still have to tell you this."

He's blocking the doorway now and Haley could squeeze by him if she really tried, but he looks down at her with those eyes of his, his forehead wrinkled and worried and she can see it's important.

"Fine. Speak."

Nathan shoves his hands into his pockets and sucks in a deep breath. He looks almost.....nervous? But that can't be. Maybe it's more uncomformableness. Haley isn't sure.

"I got my letter last week."

Haley assumes he means from one of the schools he applied to back in the fall with her, when they were trying to decide where they wanted to go. Haley's first choice had been NYU, without a doubt. Instate school's seemed nice, and were in all cases more affordable than the rest, but the chance to apply to somewhere as prestigious as NYU, where she could go and really learn about photography, well she wasn't able to pass that up. It had been months now and she hadn't heard a single word, and if she were to be completely honest with herself, she knew she wouldn't be able to afford it, even if she was accepted. Nathan on the other hand could afford any school in the country. So even though he told her his father would never let him go somewhere as far away as Brown to play basketball, Haley had forced him to apply anyway. She'd known he'd been accepted to Duke as soon as he'd applied, every school in North Carolina had heard of him by reputation, so he had his choice. Out of state school's were another world completely, and after the first few acceptances, none of which were from Brown, Nathan just stopped telling her. Haley sees even now, that the weight of waiting is waning on him.

"The...the one from California," she asks with trepidation.

Nathan winces at the thought of Brown. He didn't even want to apply. He knew his father would rather see him go straight into the Pro's than watch him go all the way across the country. It doesn't matter now though. He got into Penn and that's where he's going. That's where his father wants him to go.

"No," he answers and his eyes refocus on the floor rather than her face. He feels all of sudden rather cramped in this room, and he nods for Haley to follow him outside. Haley does, and waits for him to continue when Mrs. Sheldon appears from around the corner, her facial expression a mix of surprise and concern.

"Well I didn't know you were interested in photography Mr. Scott," she covers her reaction with a cheery voice, her pink lipstick lips jutting out into a plastic smile.

"I'm not ....I was just....," Nathan says blandly, and Haley can see that he's searching for an excuse.

"He was just asking me to look over his History paper. We're in the same class," Haley finishes for him and he nods with her in agreeance.

Mrs. Sheldon looks them over skeptically. "I see."

"I'll get the paper back to you tomorrow."

"Uh thanks. I'll see you in class," he says, even though he really wants to tell her to wait around for him. Mrs. Sheldon is staring at him intently, and he feels like he's under surveillance, better not to let out their secret this close to graduation.

"Sure. Bye Nathan," Haley replies awkwardly, and Nathan can't help but give her that closed mouth smile of his and run his hand over her shoulder before he departs down the hall. It's quiet between the two women until he's out of sight.

"......I should probably be getting home too, homework and dinner and all of that..."Haley laughs weakly and starts to walk away.

"Haley,"Mrs. Sheldon calls out, and she pauses. "Would you stop by my office after your last class on Friday? I think it's important we talk."

Haley feels a huge lump form in her throat at her counselors words. "Of course," she manages to get out, before Mrs. Sheldon finally leaves.

Haley wonders how she always gets herself into these situations.

............

The worst part about getting caught by _Mrs. Smiles_ was that he didn't get to tell Haley the one thing he came in the dark room to tell her. He planned on calling her that night to talk about it, but then Brooke came over. Again. She's been around a lot lately, and Nathan knows it's because either she suspects something or because she knows school's ending soon and she's scared. He doesn't know what exactly someone like Brooke would be scared of, and he really hasn't taken that much interest to ask, but he can see it in the way she's suction cupped herself to his ass for the last few weeks.

Even when she calls and asks to see him after school that day, and he tells her that he's hanging out with Tim before the Honor's Basketball Ceremony, she still asks, and he relents. He doesn't want to waste the energy arguing with her.

When she comes over she has Jake with her, and they sit on the couch and talk as he and Tim play video games in the family room.

"Dude you have to guard on the left.... Defense!..... ...Push the red button......... Don't block my guy," Nathan groans as Tim fumbles with the control in his hand.

"I'm not blocking your guy. You're blocking my guy," Tim pushes down hard on the control, but Nathan still manages to get his player to make a basket on screen.

He laughs. "Whatever man, you suck at this game."

"Only because you cheat," Tim says in a way that is only his, and Nathan looks at him annoyed.

"The Hell I do!"

"Would you two keep it down," Brooke shouts over all of them, finger nail file in hand, eyes wide and irritated and zeroed in on Tim. "Jesus, I can't even hear myself talk."

"And that would be a good thing," Tim snaps back and snickers

Brooke gives him a death glare and then looks to Nathan who is also chuckling at the comment. "Nathan!"

"Huh?" Noticing Brooke's unhappy face, he straightens up and gives Tim a smack on the head.

Brooke drops her finger nail file on the couch, done with it. "Enough with the stupid video games. It's time to talk about more important things. Like Prom."

Even Jake looks uneasy at this new conversation topic, but Tim is quick to interject. "Only you would think talking about Prom was important."

"Oh, don't be bitter Tim," Brooke leans down and squeezes Tim's cheek like a baby."I'm sure we can find you a good Nathan-look-alike to go as your date, since we all know the female population has turned you down."

Tim starts to call her the 'Bitch' they all know she is, but heeds at Nathan's looking of warning. Jake, always the peacemaker, tries to bring the conversation back to more even ground.

"So I hear this year's theme is 'Under the Moon', or 'Over the Moon' or something like that. Whatever that means anyway. I don't understand why student council thinks Prom and Moon go together."

"That's because there's no covering for the fact that our highschool is tacky, but I still want to go. I'm thinking me in a crimson red strapless dress, and you," she points to Nathan, her lips curving up into a seductive smile, "in a black tux with a crimson red shirt and black tie."

The thought of wearing a tuxedo in general makes Nathan want to pass on the whole event. But matching with his date? Well that's just fucking cheesy. He could care less about the whole night actually.

"I don't know Brooke."

"Oh come on Nate, red and black on you? You'll look hot," Brooke says.

"You'll like Satan," Tim snorts and Brooke rolls her eyes at him as if he's pathetic.

"No, he'll look hot. You'll look hot baby," Brooke gets up off the couch and comes up behind him where he's sitting on the floor. She wraps her arms around his neck and nuzzles the side of his face.

"I'll think about it ok," he lies and breathes easier once she's back sitting on the couch again.

"Hey Nate, we should probably get ready to go. Coach told us to be at the gym a half and hour early," Jake adds a minute later.

"Yeah," Nathan nods, and everybody else gets up. Tim and Jake follow him and Brooke outside.

Before Brooke gets into her car she follows Nathan to his, grabbing him by the hand and stopping him. She leans up and plants a quick kiss on his lips. "Meet me after the ceremony ok?"

Nathan thinks he nods, because she smiles before she leaves. He shoves the key in the ignition and drives. He can't get away fast enough.


	10. You'll Never Live The Life That I Live

**A/N:** Here's chapter 9. Hope you enjoy and don't forget to tell me what you think. I really love to read your guys' opinions, whether they be good or...not so good. LOL! So let me know what you think. I'll be much more inclined to say... update regularly then ::tries to bribe you:: I'm so evil aren't I!?

Chapter 9

**You'll Never Live The Life That I Live**

****

****

_It was two weeks to the day he and Haley had their encounter in the classroom, before she spoke to him again. _

_Nathan was coming out the gym after one of their home games. Most of the team had already left and Brooke was over at her place getting ready for the regular Friday night party. Nathan had gotten dressed and was coming out of the locker room when his father stopped him. For some reason Dan Scott had deemed tonight of all nights appropriate to ream on him for twenty minutes after the game because he intentionally gave away two points to Terry. It wasn't as if Nathan wanted to give the points away. But he was being double-teamed hardcore and he could've either held onto the ball and lost the point for their team all together, or he could pass the ball and give away the point. Terry just happened to be the one open both times. His father's aggravation upset Nathan even more because he knew his father was irritated not because he gave the points away but, because they happened to both go to the same person. If he had given one away to Terry and another to Jake, there wouldn't have even been an argument._

_Gah! Sometimes Nathan loathed his father with every fiber of his being. He wondered how him and Dan Scott came from the same gene pool. Deep down he also feared that he would turn out just like him, because as it was now, there was absolutely nothing stopping it from happening._

_For Nathan, party, or no party the night was already a total bust. His father had genuinely ruined his after-the-game/win glow. Now all that was left was this hollow numbness that nothing he did was ever good enough. He was never good enough. The only advantage that would come out of tonight, he knew, was that when he arrived at Brooke's, he would be able to drink himself into a nice quiet oblivion._

_So Nathan trudged out of the gym and got half way into the parking lot, plan set in motion when he saw Haley standing by his car. He paused, and then continued to walk. He hadn't the foggiest idea why she would be waiting around for him after a game. He didn't even know she came to the games. He found it oddly fascinating that the thought of her in the stands that night and waiting for him now left him feeling somewhat content._

_When he got up to her, she didn't look half as pleased as he expected her to be at the sight of him. Instead she looked emotionless and cold. She had a bag in her hands and held it out for him to take._

_"Here," she said and jangled the bag in front of him, when he hadn't moved._

_Nathan was too tired from his father's hammering and too curious to see what this was all about to play any games with her. He opened the bag and pulled out a new, yet familiar looking white shirt._

_"What's this?"_

_"A replacement for your stained shirt," Haley stated firmly. " I was thinking it over and I decided you're right. Ruining your shirt only makes me feel guilty and indebted to you, which is the exact opposite of what I want."_

_She stood still and crossed her arms over her chest. She looked so stern and professional, nothing like the nervous, quirky girl he'd met that summer. He didn't know if this was a facade she was putting on for his benefit or not. He didn't care at the moment. He was tired and pissed off, and he really didn't need another person making him feel like shit right now._

_"Am I supposed to say 'thank you' for this," he replied coldly, holding the bag with distaste. He was doing it on purpose and Haley could tell._

_"No," she shook her head adamantly. "It's better that you don't. Because then I might actually feel sorry for you, and you don't deserve that. You don't deserve anything from me."_

_Ok that stung just a little bit. More than he'd liked. Nathan brushed it off quickly. He'd had much worst said to him than that. _

_"I've got two more just like it at home. So it's appreciated, but I think I'll pass," he tried to hand the bag back to her, the shirt half hanging out in disarray. Haley bit at the bottom of her lip, and felt the cold breeze slap against her face. She couldn't understand Nathan. It felt like no matter what she did or said, if she was nice ore if she was mean, nothing ever got through to him. She could feel all the hurt and pain swells up in her as she stared back at him, desperately trying to hold in all her emotions. She figured this was finally it. This was her chance to be honest, if there was going to be one again._

_"Be a **jerk** if that's what makes you happy Nathan. I'm not going to stop you. I wanted to...so badly....but I got burned just like everybody else in the end. Sometimes I wish I could be there for you. That you'd let me be there for you. But you're too busy putting up walls to let anyone in."_

_Nathan scoffed at her, despite the truth in what she said. "Well I guess you've just got me all figured out."_

_Haley shook her head sadly, her eyes betraying what she was trying so dearly to hide. " No, I don't. But I would've liked too."_

_She walked away then, her arms still wrapped around her body, her eyes big and beautiful and sad. Nathan couldn't bear to watch her go. He just stood there, her words echoing in his ears, the bag still in his hand._

………..

It's like deja vu when Nathan walks out of the gym after the Honors Ceremony to see Haley pacing by his car. She's trying to look inconspicuous, aloof, but to Nathan she is neither.

He can't help but check over his shoulder to make sure no one's behind him, and he glances down at his watch and figures he probably has anywhere from five to ten minutes before people will start searching for him. He quickens his steps through the parking lot until he reaches her.

She's wringing her hands, and pacing back and forth. She doesn't notice when he approaches.

"Still mad at me," he leans over her shoulder and whispers into her ear. She involuntarily jumps forward in surprise, her face lighting up with a smile, when she sees that it's him.

"Do you think I would've come tonight if I was mad," she asks with a flirtatious grin.

"Knowing you? Yeah," Nathan jokes and Haley turns away in mock hurt. Nathan laughs and his hand strays for hers, their fingers link loosely together, and despite the already pleasant spring weather Haley's body warms as Nathan's calloused fingers graze over her own fingers and up her hand. The simplest of touches from him are enough to make her skin sizzle.

"Was that supposed to be an insult or a compliment," she says through a hazy mind. All of her attention is focusing on his hand and how it's rubbing soft, gentle, circles up her wrist.

Nathan shakes his head in amusement at her question and watches both her and the parking lot out of the corner of his eye. It's hard to keep his attention diverted to more than one thing whenever she is around, and he knows if he keeps touching her much longer he's going to want to kiss her, and that can't happen here.

"I'm glad you came tonight," he adds and Haley's smile widens. "My mom didn't even come...."

It's a mumble and Haley knows if there were anyone else around she wouldn't have heard him say it. It hurts her that his family has the ability to affect him so. His mother at one end of the spectrum and his father at the other. She doesn't have any solutions for him, her only family is just as screwed up as the next persons. But God she wishes she could help.

"I'm sorry Nathan," is her only reply, and Nathan seems to accept it.

"Whatever," he nods like it's not a problem. "You're here, that's all that matters."

Haley briefly wonders if being with Nathan is a drug, because he has the most incredible ways to make her feel high by just the simplest of words. She hates to ruin the almost perfect moment Nathan has given her, but yesterday's argument is still lingering in her mind, and she knows if she doesn't bring it up now, then they won't ever talk about it.

"You know I still meant what I said in the darkroom?"

Nathan stops moving his hand within hers and slowly lets it drop. Something else farther away seems to catch his attention, but when he answers he doesn't look upset at her. "Yeah I know....Look there's something I've been meaning to tell you, but I don't have time to talk about it right now. Meet me at the River court tomorrow at four?"

Haley doesn't get to answer, because his lips are against hers, his hands cupping her cheeks. The kiss is brief but sweet. Haley can taste him in her mouth all the way home.

……….

Friday after school Haley goes to Mrs. Sheldon's office as planned.

For some reason she forgot about her meeting with her counselor until the bell rang for her final class to be let out. She was practically frantic about it on Wednesday, wondering what on earth Mrs. Sheldon would want to talk to her about. Nathan, of course was the first thing to pop up in her mind. She probably has all kinds of questions, Haley thinks. She already gave her that previous warning about him and then to see him and her come out of the dark room like that...well Haley wonders how she's ever going to finagle her way out of a mess like this.

Mrs. Sheldon is sitting at her desk when Haley knocks to be let in and the older woman gestures for her to sit down.

"So I know I asked you hear to talk Haley, but I'm running rather late, so we'll have to make this short I'm afraid."

Haley watches as she pulls a drawer open on the side of her desk and rifles through it. The room is eerily silent and it makes her even more uncomfortable. She plays with the hem of shirt, and tries to think of what to say.

"About the other day I um......" words fail her, and she tries to think of another approach. "What you saw the other day wasn't exactly what you think—

"---What I saw the other day is none of my business Haley. I asked you to my office because I wanted to give you this," Mrs. Sheldon pulls out a white envelope with a letter inside, her face bright with excited. "It's from NYU......You got in. Almost a complete scholarship too. And I'm know whatever the scholarship doesn't fulfill we can make up for in financial aid and grants."

The earth stops moving for about half minute, and Haley blinks her eyes open and shut in utter amazement. She's sure she looks like a shock victim post trauma, but she doesn't care. Suddenly everything feels like its going to be ok. She's going to be ok.

"I got in," she mutters back to Mrs. Sheldon her voice meek, but hopeful.

Mrs. Sheldon smiles a soft genuine smile and hands Haley the letter she's waited eight months to read. Carefully Haley takes the parchment in her hands and holds it more gently than she's ever held anything in her entire life. It feels like gold within her fingertips.

"Congratulations Mrs. James. You should be proud of yourself."

"Oh I am," Haley laughs with joy. "Thank you. Thank you so much!"

She feels like she could repeat those words over and over. They'll never seem sufficient enough.

…………

Haley practically runs straight from Mrs. Sheldon's office straight to The Rivercourt and into Nathan's arms. She wraps herself tight around his neck and buries her face into his shoulder. She feels like she could burst from the joy that is radiating out of her. She doesn't care if anyone sees them together. She just wants to revel in the moment with Nathan. Just the both of them....and the future.

She can smell the soft hint of aftershave on his face and it mixes with his cologne to make an intoxicating smell that is just pure Nathan. "Mmm......You're never going to believe it," she squeals into his ear happily

He stumbles back at bit at the force of her jump, but smiles. "Believe what?"

"You remember back in the fall when we were filling out all of those applications and I told you I wanted to go to NYU? Remember how I spent hours and hours making sure I had everything perfect, and you'd finished almost all of your application by the time I got done with just that one?"

Nathan leans his head back, but keeps his arms firm around her waist. He looks at her like she's grown a third eye on the top of her head. He remembers it all too well.

"Forget? How could I forget? That was the week from College Application Hell."

Haley rolls her eyes. She remembers how he pouted every day about how 'boring' it was, and 'it didn't matter because when the scouts came they would just recruit him' Haley knew he was partly right, despite his inflatable ego, but she still wanted him to have a back up plan. Everyone should have back up plan. She's glad she'll never have to use hers.

She shrugs off his comment, and the squealing reemerges full force. She knows she sounds like an ecstasy-induced cheerleader, but she can't stop herself, she has to share her news."Well it paid off. I got in! I'm going to New York!"

For some reason Nathan feels like the wind has been knocked right out of him. He loosens his grip around her waste, letting her land softly on the ground. He blinks his eyes open and shut, and forces a smile.

"Wow. That's great Hales."

"I know, isn't it," she laughs with enviable ease.

"But you knew you were going to get in right?"

Haley shrugs, and ponders the question. "I had doubts."

"I didn't," Nathan replies. It's the most honest, beautiful thing he's ever said to her, and Haley's chest constricts. Nathan has been so sweet with her the last few days, so careful of her feelings, almost on the edge of being sensitive. She doesn't know what brought about this change in him, but she likes it.

Her mouth spreads into a wide smile that covers her whole face. She knows if she doesn't say something to him soon, he'll think she's gone mute, so she shakes off the tears that threaten to brim up in her eyes, and inhales a heavy breath. "So...what's this news you've summoned me here for. Don't keep me suspense."

Nathan looks at Haley with a strangely blank look; the afternoon sun draws a thin veil of light over his face and paints him clear and dark. "I found out today that I got into Brown," he says, and watches Haley jump back up into his arms.

"Are you serious?! That's fantastic Nathan. God....I'm so proud of you!!....This is sooo the point when I get to say 'I told you so,'" she budges her finger into his chest. Nathan tries to smile and fails. Her humor about the situation falls flat on him in this moment.

"I also got into Penn State," he adds, letting her go again, and pacing around the empty court.

Haley sees his eyes darken and is confused at how to take his reaction.

"Really?...um....well that's great too Nathan. That's wonderful...but it's kind of a no-brainer right? I mean you're going to Brown, aren't you......Nathan?"

"I don't think so Haley," he sighs heavily, his body tense. He doesn't like the way Haley's looking at him, and he thinks telling her the truth might not have been the best idea. He doesn't need to have Haley and his father pulling at him from both angles. It's just so hard to keep things from her though. She's so easy to talk to. And he finds telling her this is even harder than he imagined. "My Dad wants me to go to Penn. He kind of insists on it actually."

"So just tell him you want to go to Brown more," she says and he wishes that he could.

"It's not that easy. If I don't go where he wants, he'll just cut me off."

"Did you get a scholarship to Brown," Haley is quick to ask and Nathan nods in lament.

"Yeah, but not a full ride, and I can't work to pay for school and play ball Haley. I don't have a lot of options here."

Haley steps up to him until their bodies are touching. She places her hands on the sides of his body and stares up into his eyes. She's scarily serious, and Nathan can only remember ever seeing her this way on a few special occasions.

"If Brown is what you really want Nathan, you should at least try to talk to him about it."

Nathan presses his lips together and swallows the dry lump in his throat. He wonders how someone so small, can make him feel so big....how she can make him believe anything is possible.

It's better not to believe, he thinks. Nothing can ever let you down that way.


	11. Sever The Tie

**A/N:** People who leave feedback have a special place in my heart ;)

Chapter 10

**Sever The Tie**

He doesn't even let Nathan finish his sentence before he snaps out a loud, condescending, "NO!"

Nathan bites down hard on his jaw, and tries to remember how long it's been since they've been in a fight like this. He thinks, it's been a while, it's about time to do it again. He watches his father in careful observation. He sees the indignation building inside of him like a pot on top of a hot stove, steam rolling out of his father's ears and nose as he's been yelling at him for the last twenty minutes. Nathan knows it wasn't a good time to bring up Brown the second he walked through the door and saw his father groaning over paper work in his office. But he couldn't stop himself, when his father called him in. He knew if he didn't do it right then and there, he might not ever do it.

Dan Scott starts to walk away and Nathan calls out to him again, not ready to let go. He's not sure if he's fighting this battle for himself, or for Haley. Sometimes he thinks she wants him to go to Brown more than he does. Nothing makes sense.

"Dad...." he begins, his body and voice tired.

"I said NO Nathan," Dan blasts out at his son, getting up close in his personal space. Urging his point across. "I 've though about this–I've thought about this for a long time and a school like Brown is a good school–if you're going to get and education."

Nathan furrows his brow and Dan's face softens for the smallest moment. He places his hand on his sons' shoulder in a comforting manner, but Nathan feels no solace from it, just dead weight.

"I want you to go to school to learn Nathan. You should get a degree. But right now your main priority is Basketball, and a school like Brown....isn't going to give a player like you the kind of attention you deserve. They haven't even made it into the—

"But they have a good team Dad. The coach even said I could play next year if I showed promise in training," Nathan interjects and this causes his father's boiling point to rise to a completely new level.

"I don't want to hear it! I've made up my mind," Dan yells and storms out of the room. Nathan watches him get to the opening of the doorway.

"Well what if I haven't made up mine," he shouts back with the same intensity. His father stalls and looks back to his son almost fleetingly. The light from the hallway showers down upon his face. Every wrinkle shows and his eyes look dark and deep.

"I said--I don't want to hear it. Don't make me repeat myself again," his voice is deep and husky, but never warm. He stares at his son second longer than he should before he leaves the room and Nathan knows his father does this because he's pushing him. Pushing him, to see if he will cross the invisible line. The line he's lived behind his entire life.

His hands lie still on his legs. He could knot them into fists if he wanted. He could picture beating his father's face into a bloody pulp if it would help. But it won't. He knows this. So he leaves, goes to his room to lie down on his bed instead.

------------------------

He doesn't have his light on. He lays in the dark, throwing a mini basketball up in the air and trying to catching it. The street lamp outside flickers in through his open shades and gives him just enough light to see the ball float up and down. He's lost track of how much time has passed, until Brooke comes bouncing into his room with a cheery smile, mumbling something about how sleeping at nine is lame. Whatever.

She switches on his bedside lamp and plops down on the bed beside him.

"Hey gorgeous, what's up?" Her smile is too big and boisterous and it annoys him. He pushes himself up against the headboard of his bed so that he's in more of a sitting position. He tries to twirl the mini basketball on his finger. It's more interesting than listening to her talk.

"What are you doing here Brooke," he keeps his eyes focused and down. He feels no urgency to look up.

"Visiting my boyfriend, who hasn't called me in four days–by the way."

"Yeah, I've been busy."

He hears her puff out a short laugh, and so he looks up at her. Her face has lost all traces of happiness now. Her eyes bore into him. He thinks she's not as pretty when she's mad. Not like Haley. She's sexy when's mad. Gorgeous when she's sad. Beautiful when she's happy.....He shakes his head from his thoughts. Brooke's stare turns lethal.

"You're always "busy" lately. What the hell is going on Nathan," she leans her arm on the bed, shifting both of their weight. He rolls eyes in something akin to irritation.

"Nothing. I've just had some school shit to deal with. Back off," he heaves himself forward off the bed, and away from her glare. She's quick to follow him.

"Fine. Mind telling me why you're avoiding me then?"

"Not everything is about you Brooke. I told you I was busy," he spins around and faces her and she halts in her tracks, her hands firmly on her waist. Everything about her is serious.

"You know that sounds more like a lie each time you say it," she spits at him, and Nathan can almost see venom dripping from her lips. He should be worried, but he's passed the point of caring. He just wants her to leave.

"Is there something you wanted in particular, because I'm not in the mood to deal with you right now."

Brooke's mouth drops open."God, you're such an asshole! I don't even know why I bother."

"Good question. Why do you?"

She laughs low and throaty at his question, and it would almost seem pathetic, if it were another girl. But it's Brooke, and Brooke doesn't do pathetic.

"Because I thought you liked me. I thought we had fun together. I came over tonight to see if everything was ok......You've been acting weird and I don't know what's going on with you. You won't tell me anything."

She's giving him leeway here. Giving him time to make something up. He could take it. He could make up a lie. But he doesn't want to.

"There's nothing to tell," he shrugs.

Brooke's shakes her head and her lips press together, she follows Nathan out into the hall as he paces. "Not true. You're angry. Your Dad probably did something moronic and it pissed you off. I get that."

"No, you don't get it Brooke. You can't even begin to comprehend what I'm going through."

"So tell me. Say something Nathan. Anything. Because right now I get the feeling that you don't have time for me, or that you don't want to make time for me. And if you don't have time for me, then you don't have time for this relationship."

A warm calm comes over him, as he strides passed her irate figure back to his room. He stops in his door way and looks at her, his face cold and uncompassionate.

"You're right. I don't. Goodbye Brooke."

He slams the door shut and flips the lock. He half expects for her to scream something out at him from the other side or to start banging on the door, but that's much too un-lady-like for her. He sits back down on his bed and after a few minutes he hears footsteps padding down the hall and onto the staircase, until they're inaudible. He faintly hears the sound of a car engine coming to life and the soft pebbles of gravel bouncing up as she pulls away.

He lays down flat on the bed and switches off the light. He pretends she was never there at all.

--------------------

It's earlier than usual when Haley hears her mother come in through the back door. She can't help but smile.

"Hi Mom," she says this weakly, but her voice is hopeful. Her mother glances at and then starts to go up the stairs. She reeks of booze and cigarette smoke, but she keeps her balance well. It looks as if she hasn't had much to drink to tonight, for which Haley is grateful.

She follows her mother into her parent's room and strums the folded piece of paper in her hand.

"Mom?"

"What," her mother says roughly, taking off her jewelry and placing it back in its place on the vanity.

"Um...do you where Dad's at?"

"At work, where else?"

"Do you know when he'll be back?"

"No."

She hugs her body, nervous, as if her mother's mood directs her. "Uh....ok. I guess I'll tell you now. I went to see my counselor today and she told me I got accepted into New York State University," Haley beams proudly from where she stands at the corner of her parents room. Her mother doesn't move from her spot. Doesn't turn around. Doesn't even blink.

"We can't afford that school," she finally says, and goes to her dresser to pull out that ugly pink robe.

"Well, that's the best part Mom. I got a full scholarship and everything. You don't have to pay."

Her mother twists her head just slightly and meets her eyes. She looks a mix between confused and tired. She always looks tired. "What do you need my help for then?"

Haley pulls back the hand was involuntarily reaching out to show her mother her acceptance letter. She stares at it and then back up to her mom. "I don't......I just thought you'd like to know."

"Oh. Well make sure you tell your sister about it when she calls. I'm sure she'd be excited to hear the news."

"Ok," Haley nods, and steps back out of the room when her mother gestures for to leave so that she can change. The whole time thinking– I thought you would be too.

-----------------------

"Hey," she says when Nathan finally answers his phone.

"Hey," he says without enthusiasm.

Then awkward silence. Shallow uneven breaths filter through the phone to both of their ears. More awkward silence.

"So how did it go with your Dad?"

"It didn't," he utters, and she can hear the absolute impassivity in his tone. She thinks maybe this isn't the best time to be talking to him when he's in such a foul temper, but she doesn't want to think about her mother. She wants to hear his voice.

"What do you mean?"

He sighs long and hard. "He didn't go for it, like I said. And now he's ready to start kicking my ass all the way to Pennsylvania if he thinks it'll get me there any faster."

"Maybe you just need to wait until he's in a better mood and try again."

"He's never in a good mood. Angry is his default setting."

Haley bites her lip and mindlessly fiddles with the hem of her shirt. "Well, what if you just came at it from another angle. Like.....oh! You could tell him how the coach wants to put you on the team if you do well in training."

"I already tried that. He doesn't care," Nathan adds and then there is quiet. Haley tries to think of a solution, a quick fix. But there isn't any.

"Don't give up yet," she encourages, and most times he would be thankful for her unwillingness to let go, but now it just bothers him.

"I'm not giving up," he snaps. "I'm being realistic."

"No, you're letting him control your decisions....And your life."

For about two seconds it actually sounds like she has a point. He denies it before it really begins to form and holds the phone tightly to his head. He feels insulted, and ......hurt? No. Not hurt, annoyed.

"What the Hell would you know about it, huh? You don't know anything about my father...or me."

His words sting sharp. "Don't say that Nathan. I'm just trying to help."

He can hear the fear in her voice, the desperate need to keep everything stable, but he just doesn't care. Everything tonight has gone from bad to worse.

"Well stop it. I don't need your fucking help. I don't need anything from you," he barks at her, pulling the phone away from his face and then smashing the cancel button with his thumb, abruptly ending the call.

As soon as he does this, he considers hitting 'one' on his speed dial and calling her back. He doesn't. He hopes she'll call again, eager to argue or yell at him, tell him how much of a bastard he is. But the phone remains quiet.

The silence tortures him more than the sound.


	12. Tell Me How Everything Turned Around Pt ...

**A/N: **So it's been a long time, I know. Real life has been REAL crazy. I know you hate waiting for updates, and I apologize for that. Although I do promise to update tomorrow as well, if that's any consolation.

**IMPORTANT NOTES:**

1) I split this chapter into two parts b/c it got insanely long. Here's the first part, the second part will be updated tomorrow around this time or earlier.

2) Just so we're all clear-- all of the previous flashbacks, beginning with the very first one have happened in sequential order, although they did not happen concurrently. Rather they happened over the span of about a year.

3) Also, this chapter will weave in and out of one flashback and the present. As always flashbacks are in italics and present time is in straight font. But you guys already knew that ;) I'm stopping my yammering now. Please read on, enjoy, be merry, and all that good stuff.

Chapter 11

Part 1

**Tell Me How Everything Turned Around**

_It was late and Haley was tired. She'd spent the better part of her evening taking yearbook photos' for the Raven's last home game, and ended up staying longer than she'd planned. The game had gone into an unexpected overtime, and then sudden death, causing a huge uproar amongst the entire crowd._

_Haley had never been a big basketball fan herself, but she had to admit, the energy in the gym that night was absolutely electric. Both teams were on fire, each matching the other shot, blocking the others' players, thwarting their opponents as if it was their only purpose in life._

_Haley was used to hearing and seeing the Raven's win over the years. They were after all one of the best teams in the State. Watching them play well together, expecting them to play well together was like second nature, but not one player on the court that night shined brighter than Nathan. He was on a different level altogether. He moved faster, jumped higher, defended better than anyone on the court, and he did it with a graceful ease. Haley caught herself one too many times staring at Nathan in almost a complete thrall. The way his body became one with the basketball was simply amazing. He was amazing._

_And that hurt._

_It hurt to believe that someone as beautiful as Nathan could be so ugly on the inside. She just couldn't reconcile that fact. It was easy to believe he was a jerk and that he did jerky things. But from what she'd heard, and now personally seen, there didn't seem to be much of anything redeeming about Nathan Scott the person. Except for maybe how passionate he looked when he played basketball._

_She didn't want to give Nathan the benefit of doubt again. Last time it had only caused her misery....A thought kept repeating over in her mind throughout the game, to afterwards in the parking lot and all the way home—How could someone love something the way he does--be that bad?_

_She hadn't figured out an answer, and she knew she probably wouldn't. The question still haunted her as she made it through her front door. The house was dark and quiet inside, and Haley didn't know why. She searched for the light switch on the door and flipped it on. She read her watch–it was late, but not so late that her parents would be in bed yet. She thought about going up to check on them but decided against it once she heard her stomach growl and rumble. _

_Neither of her parents had gone grocery shopping in a week, and while she could get food at school, that left small pickings back at home. Hungrily she ventured into the kitchen and opened the refrigerator. Outside of the room, she could hear heavy feet barreling down the stairs...._

Nathan wakes up on Friday and knows it's not going to be a good day. Everything feels slightly off kilter, and it irritates him. His clothes don't fit comfortably, and his food lacks of any flavor.

Classes are long and monotonous and he spends most of first period falling in and out of sleep. His eyes flicker to Haley a few desks in front of him on the right, and zone in on the small expanse of creamy white skin that shows as her shirt rides up against the top part of her seat. He yearns to runs his hands over her bare flesh, to feel the soft fine hairs on her arms and the silky smoothness of her hair between his fingers. He thinks about seeing her naked and wanting in front of him. Thinks about holding her and feeling her body heat. He wonders when that thought became enough to get him hot and bothered.

In the hallway after school he sees Brooke at her locker collecting a few books. It's been a week since he's seen her( a week since he's talked to Haley ) and the tension in the air is palpable. He's not quite sure whether he should say what's on his mind or just keep walking.

He watches Brooke shut her locker door and come down the hall in his direction. He steps in front of her and she blinks at him openly.

"Excuse me," she bites out sharply and tries to sidestep him. He steps with her not letting her pass and the irritation on her face grows more evident.

"Brooke."

"Get out of my way," she deadpans. Nathan folds his arms over his chest, refuses to move.

She shoots him and evil glare and he feels like she could probably burn his skin off if she looked at him any harder. He falters in his stance and she brushes past him.

"Brooke! Hold on for a second...."

"Whatever it is you're going to say," she stops and spins around. "I don't want to hear it. So just spare me."

She holds her books in her arms loosely, but her body is tense and her eyes are creased into thin slits. Nathan sucks in a breath of air. He thinks maybe he should have just ignored her instead.

"We don't have to be at war with each other, you know? Things just didn't work out. It happens."

A high-pitched squeak spills out of her mouth. It sounds sort of like a laugh, and sort of like a desperate whine, but Nathan can't tell the difference.

"You're so full of–

She stops mid-sentence and shakes her head. Re-evaluating her thoughts. "Actually, you know what.....You're right. Things can't work out when there's only one person in a relationship."

Her words are harsh and bitter, and for half a second make Nathan feel like absolute shit. After all Brooke was just sort of an unplanned accident that progressed into a long drawn out mistake. Nathan knows this, but he won't say it. He shoves his hands in his pockets and shrugs.

"Things happen. People change. I didn't mean to hurt you."

It sounds as insincere as it does in his head, and instead of causing Brooke to look away in pain, in just fuels her fire. She knows he's a bastard. He knows, she knows.

"Fuck you Nathan" she says piercingly. "Fuck you."

He watches as she turns on the balls of her feet and sashays down the hall. He thinks he should feel worse about the whole encounter. He can't muster up enough energy to care.

The cell-phone in his pocket vibrates and buzzes like a bee. It feels warm inside his palm, but cool against his ear. Tim's on the other line asking him about Saturday night.

"I heard about Brooke," he says quietly, timidly. Nathan sighs into the receiver and Tim continues.

"Umm, so you're still coming right?"

"I don't know," Nathan mumbles. He finds a piece of lint on his shirt and picks it off, mushes it between his fingers, and then flicks it. Tries to pay attention to whatever Tim is babbling about.

"....and Jared said he'll get his brother to bring the keg as long as people pay for their own cups. But I said that's stupid. He should just get his Dad to pay for it. Or your Dad could pay for it Nate. He's down with that stuff right?"

"I don't even know if I'm going Tim. And No. I'm not gonna get my Dad to pay for your stupid keg."

He comes off a lot angrier than he actually he is. He knows he shouldn't be taking it out on Tim. He didn't do anything. But Tim's available, and he's still in a bad mood. Plus he's asking too many questions.

"You gotta come to the party, it'll be the Shiz man. It'll be awesome. Better than awesome, like totally hott with two T's and--

"Just say it'll be fun Tim."

"It'll be hella fun.....So you're coming right?"

Nathan groans. This is his last concern right now. "I'll think about it."

"Come on, don't back out now. The Evil Bitch that will not be named won't even be there," Tim adds quickly and snorts as if he's said something witty. Nathan rolls his eyes.

"She's going to some yacht party with Jake. We can hook you up with some fine hunnies. It'll be all good."

"I said I'll think about it."

"You'll regret it if you don't come," Tim says earnestly.

Nathan closes his eyes and shakes his head. Somehow he doubts that.

_Haley doubted that the footsteps belong to anyone other than her father, and her suspicions were confirmed when he came rushing into the kitchen. His hands steadily working at his tie._

_"Dad ...hey."_

_"Hey, pumpkin," he said with a smile that didn't quite cover his face._

_She kept her eyes on him as he moved about the kitchen, grabbing a glass of water and drinking it down in two gulps. He seemed hurried and overly so, for what reason Haley didn't know._

_"Where are you going," she asked, stepping into the corner of the room._

_"I've got a business dinner," he replied, his business-like, straightforward._

_Haley reread her watch. "But it's almost 10:30."_

_He ran into the other room and came back in with his briefcase and suit jacket. He messed with his tie again._

_"It's more drinks than dinner really. It shouldn't last to long."_

_Business drinks? At 10:30? In Tree Hill? That didn't sound right. Haley knew that didn't sound right. But nothing her Father had done lately was right._

_"Where's Mom," she asked when her other parent suddenly came to mind. Her father stalled in his motions and became still for a second._

_"Upstairs," he responded with disgust, and grabbed for his car keys. _

Saturday comes, just like any other day. It's rather dull and boring. Haley sleeps in for once and then gets up and takes a shower. She puts on jeans and a pretty light pink sweater her grandmother gave her for Christmas. It rained the night before and she sits at her dresser sweeping her hair up into a messy bun, she can see raindrops pearl against her window in the reflection of her mirror. She takes black and white photos of it close up. Sees a woman walking across the street with a striped umbrella and snaps a picture of that too.

At night she sits on the couch and watches a Steve Martin movie with her mother. She hates Steve Martin. Prefers Harrison Ford much more. She doesn't say this though, just sits and tries to enjoy the company of her mother. Stares at the half empty glass of vodka sitting in her hand, and thinks about ripping it out of her hand and throwing it against the wall. But she doesn't. She can't.

Out of nowhere the door bell rings and Haley jumps in her seat. Her mother, is already in a comatose state, her eyes zoned in on the television screen.

"You going to get that," she asks.

"Umm, yeah. Yeah," Haley nods and saunters into the foyer. She unlocks the door and pulls it open. Nathan stands on the other side, his face is serious. He stares at her openly for a moment. The way her hair is up, soft tendrils falling against her face. Her cheeks slightly flushed and pink.

"Hi," is the only thing he is able to choke out and she looks completely unimpressed.

"I don't want to talk to you right now."

He expects her to slam the door in his face at that, but she doesn't, and that means, even if she doesn't realize it, she's giving him a chance. He steps forward.

"Yeah, that seems to be the general consensus going around," he says and starts to crack a smile. She glances away in frustration and opens her mouth to speak.

"And I know what you're going to say, so I'm not asking for your forgiveness, alright? I know I was a dick to you. You deserve to be mad at me."

She wants to be angered by his words, but he looks so adorable. She forces a stern face, but a small smile breaks through anyway. Nathan catches her smile and smiles back at her. She shakes it off. Makes herself serious again. "Well I'm glad we can agree on that."

Nathan nods his head solemnly. As if he agrees. "This is stupid. This whole thing is stupid. I'm stupid.," he shrugs, trying to explain himself, or his actions, maybe both. "I could say I was angry because my father's a prick, or because me and Brooke got into a fight and I broke it off....because you called and told me some things I didn't want to hear. I could tell you that, I could blame it on bad circumstances or crappy timing. Or I could ask you to forgive me for being an idiot.......But like I said, I'm not going to, because that's not why I'm here."

Haley looks at him incredulous. "You're telling me you came all the way to my house to tell me it's ok if I'm mad at you....Wow, gee thanks Nathan you're a pal."

He can't help but let a laugh puff out at her indignance, and he runs an unconscious hand over her arm, letting it fall to her hand. He pulls apart the arms that are crossed over her chest and his eyes meet hers. She's still so stunning.

"No, that's not why I'm here. I came to get you."

"To get me? For what?"

"You'll see. Come on."

A smile spreads its way other Nathan's mouth and up into his blue eyes. He's still got a hold of her hand and it's weakening her resolve by the second. She doesn't know why she lets him touch her when she's angry. There's something about the way he lets his skin graze against hers, the way his touch is somewhat rough, but protective. As if he needs her. It fills apart of her every time he does it. A part of her that, when he's gone, feels perpetually empty. She follows him forward as he guides her out of the house. She makes it out onto the porch and stops, realization smacking her in the face. She latches her free arm onto the side of the open door and stops.

"No. I can't....I've got to stay home with my Mom."

Nathan turns and tightens his grip on her hand. Comes back up to her. His voice soft. "She'll be alright for a couple hours Haley. Now come on."

She wants to leave with him so badly. Even when he hurts her, she still wants to be with him. Anywhere but inside watching lame comedies on a Saturday night.

"Nathan.. ..this isn't a good idea. I can't go out like this. My mom's home for one. My Dad's out of town until tomorrow for two, and plus... ..I just.... I'm still....

"Still mad? Yeah I know. I said you could be. And your parents will be ok for one night. So stop worrying and get your ass into my car," he starts to pull her forward again, and she feels her grip on the door loosening.

She reaches for the handle and closes the door behind her. She thinks she should probably check back in and tell her mother she's leaving, but what's the point? Would her mother even care? She's most likely already passed out anyway. She'll wake up in a few hours and crawl up to bed, or Haley will help her to bed. And Nathan said it's only a few hours. She won't even be missed. This she knows.

"Aren't I the injured party here? Should,'t you be asking me politely to get in your vehicle," she asks and lets Nathan drag her to his Range Rover.

Nathan smirks and opens the door for her. "You can be mad. It doesn't mean I have to be nice."

"Always the Prince Charming," she snaps at him sarcastically and jumps into the seat. Nathan leans in and stops right in front of her mouth.

"Don't you know it," he whispers and slams the door shut.

_"Upstairs," Haley repeated her father's words. "What's she doing?"_

_"What she always does," he said, standing by the back kitchen door. "I should get going, or I'll be late."_

_"Dad wait," she called, her mind returning to the empty fridge, to the empty vodka and Jack Daniels's bottles she saw in their trash can outside. "We don't have anything to eat."_

_Her father made a muffled groan and set his briefcase on the ground. He pulled out his wallet and shuffled through it, pulling out a twenty and throwing it on the kitchen table. "Here, buy yourself a pizza."_

_"But all the pizza places are closed."_

_"Then go to a fast-food restaurant Haley. I don't care. Now I've got to go."_

_She could hear the ceiling creak, the noise of her mother upstairs moving around, she looked to her father helplessly. "What should I do about Mom?"_

_"Nothing. Just leave her."_

_Haley's stomach dropped, and her hands felt clammy and cold. She couldn't believe her father. "What happens tomorrow? What about next time? What about all the empty bottles Dad?"_

_"I. Can't. Talk. About. This. Right. Now," he bit out angrily, snatching his briefcase up. "I've got to go."_

_Haley ran over to him and tried to stop him from leaving. "No, you don't. It's just some stupid meeting....Dad?"_

_His eyes averted from hers, his expression completely emotionless. "I've got to," he said, and she knew he was gone. He didn't want to be here. Inside his head, he was already somewhere else, Haley could see it. Even as he lightly pushed her away so he could get through, she could see he'd already shut off._

_She didn't have the heart to watch him leave, instead she slammed the door behind him, and ran up the stairs to her parent's bedroom. She could hear her mother getting sick in the adjoining bathroom. She went in and saw her mother spread out on the floor her head resting on the toilet_.

_"Mom?"_

_She didn't respond, didn't move. Haley stepped forward and reached her arm out. She lightly ran her hand over her mother's forehead._

_"Don't touch me," she growled, and Haley snatched her hand back immediately, as if it had been burned. She stood in silent shock, as her mother began to dry heave into the toilet again. Her hair sweaty and wet, and webbed all over her head. Her clothes were a mess. _

_Haley looked on in silence for a minute before she snapped back into reality and went to the linen closet pulling out a wash cloth. She ran it under the cool water and rang it out. She kneeled down close to her mother, careful not to touch her._

_"Here, take this and put it on your forehead. It'll make you feel better."_

_Still for a moment, once the heaving ceased, her mother cracked an eye open and looked at the wash cloth, debating. At first Haley figured she would just close her eyes again, but instead she took the wash cloth and ran it over her face._

_"Is there anything you need," she asked quietly._

_"No," her mother mumbled._

_"Is there anything I can do?"_

_"No. Stop talking."_

_"Oh, ok. Sorry."_

_Haley took a seat inside the door frame. She waited silently, unsure of what to do for her mother, what not to do. Wondering if she should call an ambulance, or her sister and brothers for help. A few minutes later her mother began to heave again, but it was worse than the last time, and Haley ran up to her to pull her hair back for her._

_She felt a frantic hand push her away. Hard. "I said don't touch ME!" Her mother screamed. "Don't touch me!"_

_"I'm sorry," Haley uttered, her hands beginning to shake. "I'm sorry."_

_"Just get out," the older woman waved her away frantically. "GET OUT."_

_Haley didn't know whether she should listen to her mother or not. She didn't know what to do. Everything in the room was dark and loud and spinning, and she felt sick to her stomach. She thought she should stay, but she wanted to run away. And do she did._

_She turned from her mother's gangly figure on the bathroom floor and fled down the stairs through the kitchen and out the door._


	13. Tell Me How Everything Turned Around Pt ...

Chapter 11

**Part 2**

**Tell Me How Everything Turned Around**

Nathan opens the car door for her once they're at their destination, and Haley steps out onto the Rivercourt. She looks up at her companion with confusion.

"The Rivercourt? You brought me to the Rivercourt? I don't get it."

Nathan smiles at her with a closed mouth and leads her out onto the concrete basketball court. He walks them both to the small park bench across the court and sits down on top of it. Haley follows him, and sits down beside him, letting her body weight rest against his side. He looks off into the distance. He's quiet for a moment. Thinking.

"Do you ever have those moments when you look back at how things started? How the little things ended up leading you to the bigger things?...It's kind of funny that way, I guess. You go along, not really paying attention and then it just hits you. You realize that you're already there. That your life has already changed...We spend so much time searching for the big things that we don't even notice when they happen..."

"Yeah, I know what you mean," Haley nods, keeps her eyes on Nathan's movements. She observes his actions, wonders what is going on inside his head.

"Sometimes I think I'll always be searching for the One thing. The thing that's gonna turn it all around. Make my life perfect...But then I think, maybe it doesn't exist."

Haley shifts toward Nathan, her face serious but forthcoming. She loops her arm through his and snuggles herself into his side. She smiles to herself because she knows he's wrong. He's so much better than he will ever realize.

"Whatever _it_ is. It exists for you Nathan. It does. You might just have to open your eyes more to see it."

Nathan pulls his eyes away from the basketball hoop, and the way the street lamp illuminates it. Making it look sacred. Holy. He flickers his eyes down to Haley and rubs his cheek against the side of her face softly. She smells like lilacs in the summer time. It's calming to him. So he takes in a long breath and lets it out slowly, his eyes falling shut.

………..

_Her eyes were shut as she ran a hand roughly over her face. The tears that covered her cheeks stung as the bitter cold wind whipped over her small form. She'd ran and ran, until her lungs burned and her chest was so tight that she thought it might burst. Everything felt heavy, dark, and all she wanted to do was crawl into a hole and fade away._

_As it was now, she didn't know where she was, and she didn't much care. She was hunched together, her knees up to her chest, her forehead on her knees. Her stomach ached, and her heart hurt. But more so than that, she just felt so completely lost and useless. Her mother didn't want her around and her father didn't care. Her brothers had lives of their own and her sister, the only person she could ever talk to, was literally thousands of miles away at college. If there was an epitome of feeling alone, Haley surmised, this is was it._

_What was the point in caring about anything, if no cared about you? It seemed like such a hopeless thought, but Haley didn't know what her alternatives were. Who was there to turn to? She wanted to be strong. She wanted to be the kind of person that could take punch after punch and still survive. She'd like to think that she was that capable. She used to believe she was. Now...now she wasn't so sure._

_The wind smacked against her back, blowing a few leaves into her hair. Roughly she pulled at them with her tear stained hands, crumbling them up in her fists and then throwing what was left of the remains back out into the dark night. A tall figure came from behind the side of the tree she was sitting by, and stood in front of her. His face motionless, his stature self-assured._

_"What are you doing here?"_

_She didn't respond._

_He shifted on his feet and tried to get a good look at her face. " It's pretty late for someone like you to be out," he said, folding his arms in front of him. "Shouldn't you be hurrying home? Wouldn't want to be out past curfew now would you?"_

_Haley didn't bother to look up, or move. She didn't know why he was there, nor did she care. "Go away Nathan," was all she was able to mumble out, her voice tired and weak. Sh felt numb._

_Nathan seemed taken aback by her attitude. Or rather lack thereof. "That's it? That's all you've got? No witty comebacks or sarcastic remarks?"_

_"No."_

_He puffed out a laugh, in amazement. "Wow. I'm surprised. I think you might actually be going soft Haley."_

_She couldn't bear to take this from him right now. Not when everything was falling apart. She didn't need him, of all people, making her feel worse. He could break her, and he wouldn't even blink an eye. With a heavy sigh, Haley shook her head and pulled her head away from her knees._

_"You're right. Whatever it is...you're right. I'm wrong. You win. Now please... please just go away. Just leave me alone," she begged._

_Nathan went to speak again, but paused. He wouldn't have seen it if she hadn't turned her face to the side just as he stepped forward, but he did. Her face caught in the light of the moon, ever so lightly and he saw it. The tear streaks running down her face like tiny rivers on a map. Her face was flushed pink and her eyes were red rimmed. It hit him in the chest like a swift kick to the groin and he staggered back slightly. His voice caught in his throat and for a minute all he could do was stare at her. _

_He came forward, a little unsure."Hey...are you crying?"_

_"No." She looked to the ground, ran her shirt sleeved arm over her face discreetly. _

_"Yes you are," he said, crouching down in front of her._

_She turned away. "No I'm not...I just," she began, but Nathan was moving with her as she moved. "Just stop...Don't," she pleaded to him, trying to get him away. He wouldn't go away. _

_He took a seat beside her, not certain of why he was doing what he was doing, but knowing that he wouldn't be able to stop himself if he tried. He felt compelled to stay with her._

_"Are you...um...what's wrong?"_

_Haley swallowed hard. Wrapped her arms around her knees tight. She could lie, she could avoid him altogether, but she didn't have the energy. "My life," she said softly. "My family...my father...my mother...everything."_

_God it hurt so much to say it out loud. It made her arms shake and her head pound. She chewed on her bottom lip and tried to control the sob that was attempting to come out. Nathan observed her quietly. He didn't know what to say. He was horrible at this kind of stuff. Always had been. Even when he was eleven and his favorite cousin, Kyle, got leukemia and stopped coming around he didn't cry. His mother was more upset than he was, and it was from his father's side of the family. He felt bad for his cousin, but what do you say? What do you do? Nathan never really saw the point in getting overly emotional. His father had told him emotions were for the weak minded, and for the most part he agreed._

_But this wasn't about him now. This was Haley. The girl he'd spent the better part of a year, trying to avoid. Trying to not to get close to. And for what? He didn't know anymore. Sure at one point there had been a good reason, and if he thought about it hard enough that reason would probably still stand up now. But she was hurt and alone and crying._

_Was he supposed to just leave her? It didn't feel like the right thing to do. It wasn't what he wanted to do._

_"Is he...is she," Nathan began, but he wasn't quite sure what he wanted to say. She'd said something was wrong with her parents. But what? Were they hurt? Or did they just hurt her? Was it intentional? He didn't know. So he asked the first question that came to mind. "Are they sick or something?"_

_"If you call being an alcoholic and living in denial a sickness, then yeah, they're both pretty sick," Haley cringed as the words left her mouth. She could see Nathan wince out of the corner of her eye, and so she turned away again. She didn't want to be sharing this with him, but she couldn't hold it inside any longer. So much pain. All the time. It wasn't fair. She'd never done anything wrong. She was a good person, a good daughter. Why didn't her parents love her? Why didn't they love each other? Why did it all have to be so messed up? Why?_

_Haley squeezed her eyes shut and pressed her lips together. A quiet sob escaped her mouth and she tried to hold it back, but there was no use. Angrily she squeezed the fabric of her jeans between her fingers, as the tears on her face fell rapidly down her face. It was suffocating to feel this out of control, this vulnerable. She expected Nathan to get up and leave, or to check out completely. But he did neither, just sat quietly beside her, staring at her for a moment. _

_"I'm sorry," he said. Haley looked to him, their eyes connecting, and she froze. Another tear fell upon her cheek and Nathan reached up ever so lightly brushing it away._

_"Why does it have to be this way," she asked. Nathan shrugged._

_"I don't know...To make us a stronger maybe? Better people?...You never really know how strong you are, until someone pushes you. Sometimes those people hurt you...but in a way, they help you to see things more clearly. Whether you wanted to or not."_

_He was staring at her. Speaking to her, about her. He wasn't pretending, and he wasn't lying. He was just being Nathan. The real Nathan. It broke her heart, and made her want to smile at the same time. She doubted anyone ever got to see this side of him, but not many people had ever seen this side of her either. _

_She thought back to the first night they met, and wondered how strange it was that after all this time they would end up back together like this. He'd tried to kiss her that night but she'd refused him, knowing she could never trust herself with someone like him. He didn't think rationally. His actions were built on pure instinct and drive. He could turn her inside out if she let him, and he would have to. She was right about him back then, and she knew it, but now? Now, she just wanted to lose herself in him. Forget about everything else. It sounded like the most wonderful escape._

_He was still staring at her, as small clear colored tear drops leaked out onto her face. He brushed a few more away, and Haley found herself leaning into his touch. His hands were so big and beautiful. So strong. Could they be strong enough for the both of them? Could they take her away from all this misery?_

_"Nathan..." she uttered, realizing what she was about to do._

_"Yeah," he leaned in closer to her._

_"Kiss me," she whispered to him._

_He didn't speak, didn't hesitate, just moved forward, cupping her face in both palms and softly bringing her lips to his. His mouth was warm, and his body felt safe around hers. Nothing else mattered..._

………..

They sit quietly on the park bench, Haley resting her head against Nathan's shoulder. He's lightly strumming his fingers on the inside of her palm, and it's beginning to make her tickle, but she doesn't care. It feels entirely too nice for her to ever ask him to stop.

She still hasn't asked him why he's brought her here. She doesn't question his motives. Sometimes, Nathan does things just because. Whether he feels he needs to do it, or he wants to, is irrelevant, because he does it all the same. There's no point in asking why. Haley knows this. So she just sits and lets him lead.

He's being oddly quiet tonight, and he hasn't spoken much since they got to the Rivercourt. She figures he has things on his mind, but she wishes he would talk about it more.

"So are you sad you missed it?"

"Missed what," he asks, pulling his eyes away from the court, so that he could focus on her.

"Senior Prom," she answers, and Nathan watches a smile slowly emerge onto her mouth. He should've guessed that she would remember it was tonight.

He doesn't contemplate the question long. Simply shakes head and says, "No."

"Really," she's shocked. She's always assumed he would want to be a part of something so many people consider a rite of passage in highschool. But then again, Nathan's always surprised her. "You know you were probably going to win Prom King."

He shrugs nonchalantly, in that way of his that says he could care less. "So? Dressing up in formal wear and hanging out in a hotel ballroom is not what I would call a good time. Besides, I'm where I want to be."

He's shocked her again. Twice in one night. That should be some kind of record.

"Is that right," she asks, her smile playful, her eyes sparkling.

"Yeah, that's right," his voice is deep and low as he leans down and captures her lips with his own. His tongue gently finds its way inside her mouth and his hands come around and pull her closer to him. Haley runs her hands over the smooth skin on the nape of his neck, letting her fingers caress the fine dark hairs there.

They both pull away for breath and an idea pops into Nathan's head.

"Come here," he grabs a hold of her hand and begins to guide her off the park bench.

"What? Why," she looks at him, completely lost.

"Don't ask questions," he smiles with goofball charm. Directs her to the middle of the court, and then stops. "Just wait here."

A laugh bubbles up from Haley's throat and she shakes her head. "Nathan you're being weird...What are you doing?"

"Hold on," he calls back to her and heads to his car.

She watches as he opens the door and sticks his key in the ignition A loud, rough RB song, beats back heavily for a few seconds before she hears it switched off and the radio turned on. He's leaning half in, half out of his car, turning the dial on his radio, passing up a few country pop music stations, until he finally stops on a smooth 50's ballad-something he would assume would be more acceptable to her.

As he walks back, she's giving him a confused look, with that silly smile still on her face.

"Oldies? See I always knew you were secretly a softy Nathan. Of course you'd never admit it. You're too busy being macho, playing sports and listening to rap. It's a wonder you even hav–

"Haley," he cuts in stopping her.

"Yeah?"

"Shut up. I'm trying to have a moment with you, here."

Haley tries to feign hurt, but laughs regardless. Nathan lets a smile of his own creep out and steps to Haley. He takes one of her hands in his and pulls her closer to him, wrapping his free arm around her waist.

She lets herself fall into his grasp. " You're _trying _to have a moment? Really? And what kind would that be," she asks playfully.

"One of the dancing variety. Now c'mere and be quiet."

A soft giggle comes free, at how serious he's being. It's sweet, and endearing, and so Nathan. It's hard for her not to tease him, because he's so horrible with this romantic stuff. It either never occurs to him to do something, or when he does it's overly cheesy. At least he's trying, she thinks. At least he's here with her.

The music in the background is soft and soothing against her ears. She rests her head on Nathan's chest, and sways with him back and forth. Everything else just seems to disappear.

………..

It could've been forever. She doesn't know how long they've been dancing, or how much time has gone by, and she doesn't much care.

She can feel Nathan turn his left arm up to look at his watch. "It's late," he finally says. "I should probably get you home."

Haley presses her face into his chest and wraps her arms around his middle. "I don't want to," she whines, like a petulant child. "Lets just stay here."

"We can't spend the night in the park Haley," he laughs, pulling her arms free from his body, but continuing to hold onto her hands.

"Sure we can," she nods. "The squirrels won't mind. I guarantee it."

"No. But the police might."

"Fine. Fine. I'll just sleep in the car then,"

Nathan laughs again. "You're not serious."

Haley puffs out a long sigh and lets her head fall back. "No. But I really don't want to go home. Ugh, I just...I wish I could stay with you."

Nathan drops one of her hands and runs his hand over her shoulder and back. "Well, you can if you want. My parents are out of town for the week. So it's just me anyway."

"Your parents left you alone the weekend of Prom? Do they trust you that much?"

It's not quite the answer he was looking for. "Um maybe. Who knows? So... do you want to stay over?"

He asks her this with trepidation. Haley can see that he's afraid that she thinks the only reason he's offering to let her spend the night, is because he expects something. But he doesn't. She knows he doesn't, and that's why she smiles and leans into him again.

"Yeah," she replies, and for once, it feels like things might actually be ok.


	14. Fall Deep Into What's For Me Unseen

Chapter 12

**I Fall Deep Into What's For Me Unseen**

The ride from the Rivercourt to Nathan's home feels much longer than it is, and Haley can see his hands twitch against the steering wheel. Her own hands move over his thigh and he turns and smirks at her with honest eyes. Something within her is building up, growing, wanting to escape and she doesn't think she can hold it back any longer. She doesn't want to hold it back any longer.

…………..

Nathan's house is gigantic in a way that is more intimidating to her than most people are. It's dark from the outside in, and his bedroom is tucked away in the far corner of the second floor, but it's spacious. Haley follows behind him into the room and stands quietly as he thumbs off his shoes and shirt. He pulls the covers on his bed back and then returns to her.

He leans down and presses a soft kiss against her lips. It's a tender, sweet moment, and Haley wants to savior it for what it's worth. But when Nathan's hand brush the side of her waist, when his bare skinned chest presses against her breasts she doesn't think about sweet and tender. She thinks about Nathan standing in front of her, half naked in his room, staring at her with beautiful big blue eyes, and soft pretty lips. And she doesn't want wait any longer. She wants Nathan. Now.

Using her strength, she leans up on the heels of her feet. It feels awkward for her to push herself into Nathan, to pull his head down farther so that she can deepen the kiss more. She refuses to care. Nathan's hands on her body, his warm pepperminty breath falling onto her skin, causing her spine to tingle and her knees to weaken, it's all giving her this visceral feeling of being completely weightless and grounded at the same time. She's never been the type to be called aggressive, she's logical, and practical, but she's not aggressive. That's usually Nathan's role. He enjoys that role. He's used to that role.

Tonight's different.

When Haley wraps her arms tight around his neck and sucks hard on his bottom lip he can't help but raise his eyebrows. Haley thinks in most cases she would be downright proud of herself for catching the Great Nathan Scott so off guard, but in this moment it would take far too much time to form such a reaction and she has to keep kissing him.

She involuntarily grabs the sides of Nathan's face, to do just that. Wrapping her arms around his neck, and pulling him back to her again. The feel of a light smirk spreads over Nathan's mouth but it doesn't stay there long. Soon he's leaning into, almost on top of her, his breathing becoming deep and rapid. Low guttural moans escape his throat as he tastes the sweet crevices of her mouth, kissing her tangy lips, her cheek, peppering reverent kisses along her jaw line and onto her neck.

Nathan starts to move Haley toward his bed, and she follows him willingly. They fall onto the mattress together and Nathan makes sure Haley rests gently on top of him her legs straddling his stomach. His hand is lying on the flat curve of Haley's waist, where her shirt has rode up her body. The wind taps upon his window outside and he can hear Haley's movements, but everything else is quiet. Nathan pulls away from her mouth for a momentary breath. He stares into her face and almost forgets what he was doing. His body's forgotten. He hardly knows who this is, whose skin he's touching. The faint light in the room moves, scattered by the swaying tree branches and street lamp that hides behind them.

Haley moves against his hand, scoots farther down his body and then leans down onto his chest, moving closer look at him. Nathan feels like he's teetering on the edge of waking. He zoned out somehow. He can't quite pull himself out of it.

He watches Haley sit up and waits for her to speak. They can do this later, when she's ready, and not just looking for a bed to sleep in to get away from her mother. They can do this another time. They can do it when everything is easier. They can do it later.

But Haley leans in and kisses his mouth with wet, smooth lips, lightly. Pulls back and Nathan stares at her and thinks, _What am I doing?_

He's never thought that before, and it takes him by surprise. Haley's just a girl, with brown hair and a soft face, but in this moment she seems to almost glow, gain some sort of inner peace that wasn't there before.

Ready for anything. Nathan realizes that Haley is ready and he isn't, and that is inot/i a reassuring thought. What happened to his hard-earned detachment? He's sitting here admiring the lines of Haley James's face and dreaming away, and the world keeps turning outside.

Nothing is different, nothing at all, but Haley reaches for him with hands that are much more delicate than his, and Nathan lets himself fall into her.

…………

Hours or maybe minutes later, Haley wakes up. It's dark still, but the early morning light is fading into the windows in blue-gray hues. The room looks huge and her right arm is caught between her pillow and Nathan's head and is painfully numb. She tugs at it slowly and Nathan's grumbles something under his breath, then turns over.

She remembers suddenly that she is not at home. She is naked, in Nathan Scott's bed, his warm body asleep right next to her. She smiles, and runs a hand over his hair, careful not to wake him.

She stares at him for a few precious minutes before she realizes that she's a) very thirsty and b) very much in need of a bathroom. She eases her arm away from Nathan's head, gets up and pulls on a pair of hiss boxers and his shirt from the night before. She brings the fabric of the collar up to her nose and smells the faint traces of his cologne and his own distinct fragrance still lingering there. It's still cold inside the room and she thinks about taking the blanket off the bed, but she can't get to it–Nathan's wrapped in it. Of course he'd be a blanket hog.

And Haley's body feels sore. It's more tired than anything else, but in the good way. If there even is such a thing.

Nathan moves on the bed again, as if he can sense that she's not there anymore. He shifts in his position restlessly, before settling back down into place. Haley watches all of this with concentration. There is something beautiful about seeing Nathan so vulnerable in front of her like this. No façade to mask what he's always trying to hide. It's just Nathan, exposed….open.

Haley tries to be quiet when she leaves the room, but once she's in the hall she's not quite sure what direction she should go and she ends up running into a small decorative table sitting in the middle of hall. She rubs at her stubbed toe and continues downstairs.

She searches and finds the kitchen first. She passes by it still looking for the bathroom, and a man with Nathan's eyes and Nathan's mouth looks up from a newspaper and a cup of coffee to examine her with an expression of mild disgust.

She freezes where she is. Thankfully she pulled on clothing before she left Nathan's room, but she's nevertheless disheveled and wearing Nathan's clothes, a noticeably large hickey showing on the side of her neck. It's so painfully blatant what she's just done by the way she looks. He must know.

Unsure of what to do, Haley blinks and he just stares at her coolly, she can't even move.

"Are you done," he says, and his voice is heavy and thick. He looks drowsy from what she can tell, but not mad. Just an eerie sense of quietness surrounds him.

"I-I was just," she stammers. " Uh…. bathroom."

He goes back to his newspaper without another.

When Haley comes back from the bathroom, he's still there. "Would you tell Nathan I'd like to speak with him," he says without looking up as she passes by.

"Okay," she says.

Nathan is half awake, half asleep sitting up on the edge of the bed, his arms resting on his legs. Haley walks up to him and runs her fingers over his bare shoulder. "Um, your—" she starts.

"I know," he says stiffly and pushes past her.

……………

"Hello son," Dan Scott says when Nathan comes into the kitchen. Haley stays just outside and listens.

"Dad," Nathan replies.

"I think it's time your friend goes home now. We can go out for an early breakfast, discuss some things." He doesn't smile. Nathan doesn't smile, but he's staring at the older man with a face that's gone completely still. Haley fidgets unconsciously.

Nathan tries to shove his hands in his pockets and realizes he doesn't have any on the gym shorts he's wearing. "I'll drive Haley home."

Dan gives Nathan a displeased look at his words, and turns to his paper, as if he hasn't heard anything.

Nathan stands there and waits for his father to say something, to reply in any kind of form, and his shoulders go tense, he glances over his shoulder. Haley takes a step back. She's still wearing his clothes. She hadn't even noticed. Part of her wants to go comfort Nathan, make that frown on his face go away, rub his back maybe. She can tell that he knows she's in the room and it's making him that much more tense.

Soon that ever present mask of his will slide back into place and the little bubble that they had created for themselves last night where no else mattered, and everything was perfect, is going to burst. She can already feel the reality of her own life beginning to seep back into her bones, making her feel strained, old beyond her years.

Nathan doesn't turn around when he hears her leave to go back upstairs. He stands in the middle of the kitchen, still and straight-backed. His hands by his sides, but his fingers twitch restlessly. His fathers sits, impassive. It's the beginnings of a staring contest. One, Nathan is not going to win.

………………

Fifteen minutes pass by and Haley waits in Nathan's room, redressed in her own clothes. He comes in, that strained expression still on his face, and he blows out a breath of air. He doesn't say anything to her, just goes about changing into more appropriate clothing for the day.

"I'm sorry Nathan," she's not sure why she says it. It's not as if she's done anything wrong. Still, the words come out of her mouth involuntarily. " Is your Dad really mad?"

Looking around the room, Nathan grabs a blue polo from his closet and pulls it over his head. Then, goes to the bathroom to run a wet comb through his hair. He comes back in and snatches his wallet and keys off his dresser. After what seems forever, he finally glances down at Haley still waiting on the bed, her eyes a mixture of so many emotions. He treads slowly over to her and offers his hand.

"Actually," he says uneasily. "My Dad wanted me to invite you and your parents to my graduation party next week."

Oh. Well that's not what she was expecting.

"Really," she asks incredulous.

"Yeah," he mumbles and moved forward with her.

Haley's heart beats fast. To be yearning for acknowledgment for so long and not able to express it, Haley thinks she should be happier about Dan Scott's invitation. But Nathan isn't talking and she is clueless as to what to say now.

She doesn't say anything, instead she takes Nathan's hand as a small smile spreads onto her face. She gulps back a breath and entwines her fingers with his, but his skin is cold and his touch provides no consolation.


	15. I Can't Live Alone In This Lie

Chapter 13

**I Can't Live Alone In This Lie**

A week has gone by since the incident with Nathan's father, and despite the awkwardness of that situation Haley finds herself back within the walls of the Scott abode for Nathan's Graduation party. She quietly sits in the corner of the family room, alone, watching as people mingle with each other. In the distance she can see her mother and father outside chatting with a few of the basketball player's parents. They smile, and laugh and make appropriate jokes at the appropriate times while they sip at their wine, and Haley thinks that maybe she worried too much about asking them to come today.

It was such a hassle at first. Trying to convince her mother to come to the party after the Graduation Ceremony. With the promise, however, that Haley would not bother her if she chose to drink, her mother had conceded. The proposition made Haley physically sick to her stomach at the time, but the notion of missing out on Nathan's partyof getting a chance to actually be in public with him for the first time was something she wasn't willing to pass up. For her mother's part, she appeared to be doing well at the moment, even perhaps enjoying herself, which brought a small, almost indistinguishable smile to Haley's face.

It faded as soon as it came when she saw Nathan cut across the hall from the room she was sitting in and realized she'd been there over an hour now and the most she'd been around him was during the thirty second greeting he gave her when she came in. He'd made an excuse shortly after about needing to talk with a few guys on the team that might be potential teammates of his next yearand then he was gone. At first Haley had attempted to follow after him, waiting for him to finish so that they could walk around together. But when five minutes of talking turned into fifteen and then into twenty-five, she'd made the choice to grab something from the bar to drink. When she returned, he was gone yet again.

She'd found her current spot in the corner of the room, once she'd made a quick sweep through the party to find that most of the people that were there either didn't know her, or really didn't appear to want to get to know her. So she took her seat in the corner and observed.

Actually it's quite a pleasant view, she thinks, watching everybody from the outside as she is, the scent of freedom in the air intoxicating to everyone around her. For all intents and purposes this is the kind of graduation party she's always dreamed of.

Except for in her dream she was in her own home, in a house filled with her smiling friends and loving family. The reality...her sitting off to the side of the room balancing a drink on her knee, while her parents mingle speaking of solely themselves, and her only touchstone through this entire experience is suddenly nonexistent, only makes her yearn for that dream even more.

In all honesty, it's not so much that she expects Nathan to be by her side throughout the entire party. It's not that she wants to be his shadow either. They were going to be in this together, thought, or at least that's what she had assumed. Now, Haley thinks, she was horribly wrong.

"Having fun," a distinctly female voice asks her, pulling her away from her thoughts.

Haley glances up at the dark striking features of the brunette in front of her and tries not to grimace. She was completely content being left alone...well maybe not content, but definitely alright with being alone. She knows the appearance of Brooke talking to her, especially at this party, will only end badly. There's no chance of escape now, this she knows, so instead she smiles up brightly at the other girl and nods cordially.

"Yes I am," she trails off in thought. "...it's a lovely party."

The corner's of Brooke's mouth curve up, her eyes glisten. She knows Haley's bluffing, and she calls her on it with just a simple look and a sharp laugh. "Right. So you're just sitting in the corner by yourself for kicks then?"

Haley flinches at Brooke's question and averts her eyes to a very interesting speck of dust on the ground. "Is there something I can do for you Brooke?"

Brooke takes a seat beside her. "I was curious if you knew where Nathan was," she maligns, her right eyebrow jutting up in a crisp edge. When Haley doesn't respond, Brooke nudges her with her elbow. "Ya know, your new _boyfriend_."

Haley's throat feels dry and her hands are clammy and wet. She brushes a loose strand of hair behind her ear and meet's Brooke's eyes. "I think he's outside."

"Why aren't you with him," she asks sweetly, her smile fakely innocent. Haley's eyes narrow into thin harsh slits for half a second before she composes herself. She's not going to let Brooke get to her. She'd not going to let Brooke ruin this party for.

"That's none of your business," she spits out with venom and Brooke looks almost taken aback by the other girl's words. That ever-present plastic mask spreads over her face too quickly for anyone to catch her however.

"Hey! No need to get your panties in a twist Miss Valedictorian," Brooke scrunches up her nose at Haley condescendingly, as if she is a child, and pokes her lightly in the arm. "I simply asked because I wanted to know how well you two were getting along...Now that your _official _and everything. I figure I have the right to at least ask, seeing as I was his girlfriend first. But if you don't want to answer then whatever."

"I shouldn't...I mean I don't think...," Haley grasps for words, glancing around the room at all the people. Nathan's house seems all of sudden not so big anymore, and she wishes she were anywhere but right there. It makes no sense that Brooke would even be at Nathan's graduation party considering how badly things ended between them. In town like this, and with families as wealthy as Brooke's and Nathan's, their parents being friends, business partners, and the like, it's logical they would eventually cross each other's paths again. Rationally Haley knows this, but she doesn't want to be rational right now. She wants to run from the room and into Nathan's arms where she feels safe.

She has this written all over her face, and Brooke can read her emotions well. Better, Haley thinks, than most of her own family. Maybe Brooke's not as a oblivious as everyone believes. Haley tries to turn away but Brooke places her hand on her arm and she stills.

"I get it now–why you wanted to be with him. Why you used to look at him all the time. Even before he knew you existed. I get it...You want this life. You want to be a part of_ this _crowd...this world," she waves her arm holding her wine glass around the room at all the people. "so bad you can taste it. And you're not. And it kills you how unfair it is that someone like me, has everything you want, everything you think you deserve. Nathan in his all-star glory is the epitome of this world to you. The holy grail of happiness. Except that he's as screwed up as the rest of us, and if you can't see that Miss Valedictorian, then you're just as blind as the rest of them."

Haley takes in a shallow breath. She can feel her heart pounding in her chest. Her face is pale. "You including yourself in that statement?"

Brooke lets out a real laugh at that and she runs her tongue along the bottom of her teeth "Why do you think I'm over here talking to you," she says, going suddenly serious then and Haley stares at her perfect face, her perfect hair, her perfect dress and perfect nails and thinks that Brooke may be able to read her emotions, but she doesn't understand her. Not at all. And that's a freeing thought.

She gets up from her seat, clutching her purse in between her arm and her body, she turns to her. "You know what Brooke? You don't know anything about Nathan, or me for that matter. And I'm sorry you got hurt...I am. But that gives you no place in my life. Or my business. So please don't bother me again."

She takes a few steps to the open hallway when Brooke cuts in. "I'm not the bad guy in this scenario ok. I'm just trying to give you some advice...Whether or not you want to use that information is up to you."

"I'll remember that," Haley replies, and then walks out of the room.

Half-way down the hall, her palms still sweaty and her face in need of a splash of water, Haley sees a queue of people waiting to get into the bathroom and makes a beeline for the one upstairs. When she comes out a few minutes later, she runs into Nathan, his body tucked away in the darkened edge of the hall, his eyes closed and his head resting up against the wall.

She's so happy to see him by himself that she doesn't notice what's troubling him. She walks up in front of him, making her steps light.

"Hey," she tries with a good amount of cheer. Nathan opens his eyes and cracks a grin at her.

"Hey yourself," he breathes out in a husky tone. Haley worries her bottom lip between her teeth and watches him, observes how tired and worn out he looks. She's not sure if she should ask him how everything's going or leave him be. He beats her to the punch.

"So...you having fun," he asks, echoing Brooke's earlier words.

Haley gives him a weak smile. "I'm having a good time. A-a great time in fact! A _great _time," she nods with vigor, but Nathan doesn't buy it.

He puffs out a laugh and pulls his hands out of his pockets to run them over his face. "Yeah... me too," he adds sarcastically, with a fake smile, and Haley can't help but laugh as well. Nathan's been to enough of these type of parties to know that none of them are ever really fun. No one ever really has a good time. It's all for show. Most of the people are fake. It's all so fake. He's not use to it and he's lived with it his entire life, he knows Haley can't be use to it. He doesn't blame her.

It quiets down in the hallway for a moment once their laughter dies down, and their eyes connect. Nathan's blue ones meeting her brown. There's relief in that instant...calm.

"C'mere," he whispers, and pulls Haley to him, tucking her head under his chin and wrapping his arms around her body. Haley buries her face in Nathan's warm chest and locks her arms around his middle, letting his embrace melt everything else away.

"So this is weird," she finally says a few minutes later. Nathan stirs a little but doesn't release his hold on her.

"You didn't say that the other night," he jokes, and she jabs him in the side with her finger.

"No," she giggles. "I mean, us, together, at your parents house like this, in front of all your friends, and these people I don't know—It's weird. I thought it would be uncomfortable. I pretty much planned on it. But it's so much more than that. It's just so awkward. I don't know..."

"Do you want to go back to hiding," he suggests, even though he knows it would be pointless now.

"No, of course not," she pauses, taking in a breath and smelling the cologne on his shirt. "I just wish I fit in better. I hate feeling like such a loser."

"But see that's why I like you," Nathan teases and Haley jabs him again.

"You're a funny guy you know that? When did you become such a funny guy?"

"I have many, many layers," he smirks, bringing his hand to her face and tilting her chin up so that his thumb can slowly trace the curve of her cheek Haley leans in to brush her lips against his in response, his lips and tongue caressing her lips in the most tender, gentle touches she's ever felt.

"Mmm……" Haley murmurs against Nathan's lips as the two of them stagger back and forth in the corner of the hallway. Her hands graze across the strong outlines of his body, dropping her purse on the ground as she does so.

"We should go," Nathan reluctantly adds, his lips abandoning hers to trail feather-light kisses down the side of her throat. His mouth latches onto one particularly sensitive spot, right over her throbbing pulse point, and begins to suck vigorously.

"You're right," she replies, turning her head and meeting his mouth again, letting his tongue slip over her lips teasingly.

"I am," he breathes into her mouth, his large hands cupping her face, his forehead pressing into hers.

"Yeah," she gulps back, running her hands along Nathan's side one last time before extracting herself from him entirely. "We should get back to the party. It's only polite."

Nathan groans. "Oh, and you know how much I enjoy being _polite_," he smiles tightly.

Haley catches his hand before it creeps back into his pants pocket and entwines their fingers together. Letting her thumb rub small circles into his flesh. "I suppose we could always escape out the back if you really wanted."

"What? And be murdered bloody by my father? No thank you."

"Back to the party then," Haley gestures to the stairs, and Nathan grabs her purse off the ground handing it to her.

"Back to the party," he nods solemnly.

Haley smiles up at him as brightly as she can and lets him lead the way.

He's still holding her hand as they make it back down to the crowd.


	16. Oh, This Sweet Misery You Cause Me

**Author's Note**: Months of waiting and here it is. I'm sorry I'm such a slow writer these days. My muse is being a bitch. So if there is anything sucking in this chapter please send all blame her way please. Feedback and such is, as always, much appreciated. Hugs and kisses my darlings!

Chapter 14  
**Oh, This Sweet Misery You Cause Me**

Groups of staring eyes follow Haley and Nathan as they reenter the party from the main staircase. Nathan notices several pairs directed at him and a quick chill creeps its way down his spine. He attempts to shrug it off, but his body can't seem to stay still. His hand involuntarily twitches around Haley's, begging to be inside his pocket. He resists by straightening out his arm. Haley glances at him as they traipse through the main hall, and she can tell he seems agitated.

She lets his hand go.

Nathan thinks about grabbing hers up again, but instead shoves both hands into his pants pockets and lets out a long breath. Haley gives him a slanted smile, and he forces himself to relax. Breathe in. Exhale. Loosen up. Breathe in. Exhale. Be calm.

They turn the corner to where a group of parents and other kids are standing around talking. In the middle of the group is Brooke holding a glass of juice in her hand, staring back at him. It's probably spiked, Nathan thinks, and turns away from her before his lungs begin to tighten up again. When he refocuses his attention on Haley he notices his uncle Keith has come up to them and said something to him, he can't remember what it was so he nods and says, "Yeah."

"Yeah what," his uncle asks with kind eyes, and an over eager grin. He's amused and waiting for more, more of what Nathan isn't sure.

"Umm," Nathan scrambles for words. Confused.

Haley laughs and places her hand on his back, running her fingers up and down his spine soothingly. "He asked you to introduce us Nathan."

"Actually, I asked you to introduce me to this beautiful young lady you have by your side," he interjects looking from Haley to him again.

Nathan swallows hard. His throat dry and scratchy. He hears a small almost inaudible hum from somewhere off in the distance. He ignores it even when it grows louder. Reconnecting eyes with his uncle, he extracts his right hand from his pocket and wraps a comforting arm around Haley's shoulders. She falls into his embrace, careful to lean into him but not against him. He doesn't notice this.

"Uncle Keith this is Haley James. Haley, my Uncle Keith," Nathan says smoothly, not a single crack in his voice. Haley and his Uncle shake hands cordially, and then part.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mr. Scott. I've heard good things about you."

His uncle brightens at this and puts on a teasing grin. "Well they're all lies I'm sure. Now Nathan on the other hand neglected to mention he had such a pretty girlfriend the last time we spoke. Have you two been friends for awhile?"

"More or less," Haley answers for him when Nathan doesn't speak. He can't.

The word _girlfriend_ rings in his ears, and the humming that sounded so distant just moments before grows heavier around him. He watches Haley smile. His uncle smile. Everyone is smiling. He feels lightheaded. He can't speak. Why can't he speak?

"So you two go to school together I take it? Or well, used to go to school together," his Uncle continues on, unaware of anything but the conversation that is happening right in front of him. "So I take it you are into the whole basketball scene as well. Do you cheer for the team?"

"Me a cheerleader? Oh God no. No, no not so much," Haley laughs taken aback by his Uncle's suggestion. Nathan makes an attempt at an amused smile, for Haley's sake.

"We had history together last year," he interjects less confident that before, but still steady.

"Well that's great," his Uncle states happily. "So are you looking forward to summer then, or are you ready to dive into college life now? I never made it past highschool myself, so I'm sure it must be exciting."

"Yeah it is," Haley agrees. "I got into my first choice school, which I never believed would happen, but it did and now the thought of waiting until August to go, seems like torture."

Keith laughs like he knows what Haley is talking about. Out of the corner of Nathan's eye he watches as his father's figure comes into the room next to them. He stills, waiting, hoping, praying that his father will just leave them all alone.

"I bet. But, the summer will go by faster than you think, trust me. I swear, yesterday I was getting ready to graduate, and then poof! I'm here. Blink and you'll miss it, that sort of thing, you know?"

Haley nods, and catches Nathan not paying attention. She softly tugs on the side of his shirt where her hand is hidden causing him to turn away from his father's entreating form.When he flickers his eyes back just for a second, he's gone.

"So I've already heard where my nephew's off to this fall," his uncles says with pride, smacking Nathan on the back, "but just out of curiosity where are you going?"

Haley is hesitant when answering this question. Carefully controlled enthusiasm."I...Well I earned a full scholarship to go to NYU, so I'll be majoring in photojournalism up there."

"Photojournalism huh? You don't hear about that one very often. What kinds of..." Nathan tunes his uncle out. He watches them talk, but he doesn't, can't, listen to what they're saying. His head hurts something fierce and his brain is stuck in a far off limbo. Haley and his uncle smile as their mouths move.

He smiles back at them, watching his father come from around the corner of the hall they were standing in.

Nathan hadn't realized he was still there.

----------------

A half an hour later, he and Haley sit on the set of swings that sits adjacent to his backyard. The breeze blows through Haley's hair, as she uses her tip-toes for leverage to lightly push herself back and forth.

Nathan's not been able to think of anything remotely interesting to say since they joined the public eye little less than an hour ago. All coherent thought has escaped him, and so he numbly sits on the swing beside Haley trying to muster up something, anything to talk about. His head is facing forward, but after a long silence in the one-sided conversation she was having with him her swing slows to a stop. He feels her hand light on his neck. He doesn't want to back off, and it's time to just spell it out: he's so hooked there's no way out of this. He straightens up and Haley's hand slides over his back and then up to his face, a reminder of her existence. Hooked all the way, tied up like a roped steer.

"You're uncle's nice," she breaks the silence, waiting for him to speak. He remains quiet. "Why doesn't he come around more often?"

"Him and my dad don't really get along," Nathan offers.

"I'm sorry," Haley adds, never knowing quite what to say to the issue of Nathan's father.

"Don't be," he says trying to sound sincere. "It's not your fault."

Faint sounds from the crowd outside can be heard from their position on swings, but other than that it has become quiet between them again.

Haley worries her bottom lip between her teeth, and gazes at Nathan's hands wrapped around the swings chain. "Are you ok," she asks. "You've been so quiet ever since we walked back downstairs."

"I'm fine," he lies and tries to stop thinking. If he stops thinking about his headache--which comes and goes like the tide, briefly staved off by the cool spring breeze rushing over his face, then swelling again–maybe he could give her a better answer.

Haley doesn't look like she believes anything he says. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah," he turns his head and stares at the street behind his house through a group of trees. The tree branches sway with the wind, back and forth, back and forth. No responsibility other than to just be. Sounds nice.

"Are you really sure," she prods, and he hears the urgency in her voice. She wants to know he's ok, so that if he's not she can fix it.

Fix what?

His voice has an edge, but it's low and sing-song and seductive. "Haley. Yes. I'm, O-K."

"I don't believe you. Just tell me what's wrong," she pleads in the that stern tone of hers. The one that's supposed to let him know that she's being serious now. In most cases he usually thinks it more cute than threatening, but now he just feels indifferent. His temple throbs, and the humming has now grown into a buzzing that is slowly eating it's way through his brain. But she's still looking at him, waiting for an answer. _A better answer._

"Nothing," he shrugs. "...nothing much."

Haley folds her arms over her chest, and purses her lips together. She's pretending to be mad. But she's worried. She doesn't fool him. "Well that's vague. Care to expand a little more?"

Nathan turns his head up and looks at her, staring into her brown chestnut eyes. He doesn't even know where to start. He has no idea. None at all. It feels like minutes pass, maybe hours or even an eternity before he opens his mouth to speak again. Haley's waiting for him patiently because that's what she does, and he takes it. He takes everything she gives him. He takes it all.

"There's something that I've been wanting to talk about. But I don't really..."

"Don't what," she reaches her hand over and laces it with his. Her skin warm and velvety smooth. He encases her tiny hand with all of his finger and holds on tight. He takes a deep breath in and briefly closes his eyes, calming himself.

From back in the crowd the sound of glass shattering, breaks through their conversation and the entire party. A certain few loud, upset voices can be heard over all others, and it's when Haley recognizes one of those voices as familiar to her, that her eyes widen. For a split second she looks to Nathan for what to do, but he stays motionless. Something else shatters against the pavement, and Haley moves with a kind of speed he's only seen in his own teammates during a game. He gets up, taking chase after her. It's almost completely silent as he moves, and Nathan wonders how that can be.

Up by his house there's a huge crowd just right outside, bunched together in some sort of tribal circle. He loses sight of Haley and everything else, because he's too stunned to move and the rest of the people are quicker on their feet, closing in like a pack of wolves while he snaps for air. Nathan looks around, trying to get a glimpse of what is going on, but there's no help in the faces there. It's creepy the way everyone moved together and now starts to move apart, all of them silent.

He attempts to look over people and yet he can see nothing, only hear a few voices, that sound so far away. "What's going on," he yells, stupidly and grabs the nearest arm, but his fingers slide lewdly over the fabric of their shirt due to the wet, slick skin of his hand and he doesn't even know who he's touching. He tries to push them aside, to get a better view, and when he does, he wishes he could look away.

Now in the center of the crowd, Haley scrambles amongst the shards of broken glass upon his stone patio, her mother belligerent, and shrieking. _I didn't knock anything over. Haley! Where's Haley? I didn't do anything. Don't touch me. I want my husband. Where's my daughter? Where's Haley? Leave me alone. I said don't touch me._ And then there's Haley right by her side, comforting her as her father and everyone else watches on in horror. _It's ok mom. I'm here. I'm here. It's Haley, I'm here._

Nathan moves forward and back, forward and back, as if he's still on the swing. The buzzing in his head has turned everything hollow. He's in a cave, watching what's happening from far away.

He can't seem to stop himself from walking off into the other direction.


End file.
